Not All Emos Are Suicidal
by Karren1109
Summary: i'm sorry, but my heart is no longer in this story, so i cannot continue it
1. Leave Out All The Rest

**IMPORTANT PLEASE READ!**

**This is my version of Bella's story if Bella had a twin sister and everyone was human. The characters are a little different but there aren't a lot of stories where they aren't. I am a twin, so even if you are a twin who is really close to their nine-month-neighbor (as I sometimes call it), Bella and her twin don't get along well. Don't like it, REVIEW and tell me.**

**Bella POV**

This sure was a fun 19 hour trip. Two days of endless road. I sat in sideways in the back seat of the van that our parents had bought for me and my sister. I was leaning against some boxes, listening to my iPod and thinking about life.

My dad works- well, worked- as a deputy in L.A. He got a job offer with better hours and better pay as the Chief of Police in tiny little Forks, Washington. That's why my mom, Renee; dad, Charlie; twin sister, Amanda, and I are stuck in a 2008 Chevrolet Uplander. I got to pick the exterior, which is Slate Metallic, and Amanda got to pick the interior, which is why it is grey leather.

At this point we were about fifteen hours in; somewhere north of Portland. Even with my music and lyric journal, I was bored to death. Why couldn't we have taken a plain like normal people?

In front of me, Amanda leaned her seat back so that my bubble was once again popped by her ignorance. Amanda has great grades, not that I don't, and a perfect smile. Her long, dark brown hair and sky blue eyes made her face as beautiful as her body. She played soccer and cross country, so she was always perfectly fit, even though she stuffed herself with 21 oz steaks and junk food, rarely eating vegetables. Yes, even with her appetite she was super skinny, built petite with a flat stomach. Plus, she had the 'popular' personality. Amanda agreed with the crowd and was always just friendly enough. Everyone in L.A. thought she was amazing, why not in Forks?

And then there was me; twenty minutes younger and a few inches shorter. I was just Bella. I have long light brown hair and plain brown eyes. I'm not built petite or super skinny, but I'm not fat either. I'm just average. Always average. At school in L.A. I was put down a lot because I was emo. So what I wear black? So what I didn't want to smile all the time or go to the beach every weekend? Why does everyone assume that just because someone is emo, they're suicidal? Not all emos cut themselves! God, why can't people understand that? It's like assuming that just because someone is Christian they go to church every Sunday.

The worst part was that Amanda is one of them, one of the enemies. We used to be great friends, until fifth grade when she lied and told my entire grade I was lesbian. I mean, I have no problems with someone being lesbian, I hate homophobia, it's just that guys, if they had before, didn't talk to me anymore, and girls made fun of me even more.

Even though I would be getting a new start in Forks, I had a reminder of who I used to be: Amanda.

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I opened my eyes and realized I had fallen asleep. I checked my watch; there were only two hours left now.

I wondered what people would think of me. Everyone would love my sister, no doubt, but what about me? Forks High was probably so small that I would be the only person there that was emo. How delectably enjoyable.

The song change on my iPod and I turned it up; it was one of my favorites.

I dreamed I was missing  
You were so scared  
But no one would listen  
Cause no one else cared

After my dreaming  
I woke with this fear  
What am I leaving  
When I'm done here

So if you're asking me  
I want you to know

When my time comes  
Forget the wrong that I've done  
Help me leave behind some  
Reasons to be missed

And don't resent me  
And when you're feeling empty  
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest  
Leave out all the rest

Don't be afraid  
I've taken my beating  
I've shared what I made

I'm strong on the surface  
Not all the way through  
I've never been perfect  
But neither have you

So if you're asking me  
I want you to know

When my time comes  
Forget the wrong that I've done  
Help me leave behind some  
Reasons to be missed

Don't resent me  
And when you're feeling empty  
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest  
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting  
All the hurt inside  
You've learned to hide so well

Pretending  
Someone else can come and save me from myself  
I can't be who you are

When my time comes  
Forget the wrong that I've done  
Help me leave behind some  
Reasons to be missed

Don't resent me  
And when you're feeling empty  
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest  
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting  
All the hurt inside  
You've learned to hide so well

Pretending  
Someone else can come and save me from myself  
I can't be who you are  
I can't be who you are

The song changed, and I went back to thinking about school on Wednesday, when winter break would be over.

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The van pulled up into the driveway of a two story house. I turned off my iPod just in time to hear Amanda heave a sigh and melodramatically shout, "Finally!" to the sky. I jumped out of the van as soon as she was clear of the door.

The house had a light creamy milk chocolate colored siding. The roof's shingles were a darker, but still chocolate brown. If I stood next the house with a brown coat on, I'd camouflage.

I followed my family onto the small concrete porch and waited patiently- unlike my sister- for Dad to open the door. I walked inside and took in the place. The walls were all white; they were clean slates for us to create whatever we wanted. Immediately to my right were the stairs. They had nice wood floors that were light and like honey in color. The room to the left had white carpeting, and it extended to the other side of the wall. The entryway and the hallway in from of me had the same golden wooden floors.

There were two doors off of the hallway. The one on the left opened into a small half bath (Just a sink and a toilet), while the one on the right opened into a room with a washing machine and dryer with a door to the garage.

I followed the hallway further, into the kitchen. To the left was the cooking area: the stove, sink, refrigerator and countertops. There was also an archway in the wall that led to the other room. Directly across from me was some room for a table to go and a glass sliding door into the small grassy area of the backyard and large impending forest.

To my right was a half-wall, disconnecting the eating part of the kitchen from the wooden floored room that lay past it. I turned around, following Amanda upstairs. Down the hall Amanda walked into a room two doors down to the left and called "My room!"

The first door to the left had a small room with a closet, better used as a guest room or an office. There were four other doors, two on the right side of the hallway, one directly in front of the landing, and one directly to the right of it. I walked to the end of the hall and peered into that room. It was the master bedroom. Heading back towards the stairs I peered inside to find a bathroom with two sinks, a toilet, and a bathtub with a shower head.

Walking back by the stairs, the room in front of the landing was another small one. The door to the right of the landing opened into a long, large room. It had a partially slanted ceiling going the long way, and a double window with a window seat at the far end. I loved it immediately. To the right of the doorway was a small closet with two shelves and a hanger rack. All I could think was: perfect.

After a meal of microwave dinners, Amanda and I officially decided on our rooms. We also had a family meeting in which dad told us that we could spend any of our own savings and a gift of 2,500 to buy paint and furniture for our rooms.

The next morning, Friday, I drove Amanda to the IKEA in Seattle to shop for beds, dressers and other furnishings. We split up once we got there.

I started in the bedroom furniture area, but quickly advanced to the office area. After a few hours I found a low, queen sized bed; a dresser, an old fashioned desk; a comfortable, swivel chair; and a small bedside table. All were black. Remembering I had forgotten a bookcase or shelves, I doubled back. I found a silver and black two shelf unit. It was simple and perfect. Before I went to the warehouse I grabbed some lunch; it was almost two-o-clock and I hadn't eaten since a little after eight.

I called my sister on my way down to the warehouse. She was in the accessories area, and would meet me by the car as soon as she was finished. I went to the check out area of the store to buy my items. She told me that I could have them delivered and set up on Saturday or on Monday. I told her Monday because I needed time to paint my room. My total came to just over 1,000 for delivery and assembly. That gave me plenty of money to spend on other things.

I left the warehouse to wait in the car. It was already three-o-clock. By three fifteen Amanda was in the car. She seemed to be in a good mood, and I didn't want to ruin it, so I kept my mouth shut.

Before we left Seattle, I asked if we could stop at the Target I saw.

"Sure," she replied bubbly, "I didn't get everything either."

As I parked, she spoke up again.

"Do you mind if we shop together, I think it will be easier that way," she suggested.

"Sure," I answered warily. It would at least be _some _company, and there was a chance that she would be good company as well.

We headed over the bedroom area; we both needed new sheets and comforters. I found an ivory comforter with black, gold, and silver designs on it. I also got the matching pillow shams; I have four pillows, and I have to cover them with something. Amanda found a light blue and brown comforter. We both bought sheets. I found gold and black silk ones while she found light blue and brown silk ones.

To my surprise, we both liked the other's choices. We walked I silence around the store, grabbing things to put in the cart. We both got alarm clocks, desk lamps, and curtains. I also needed cushions for my window seat. I found grey memory foam ones. Awesome! My total at Target was around three hundred dollars.

On the three hour car ride home, Amanda and I started talking.

"What color paint are you going to get?" I asked her, making small talk.

"A light brown, lighter than the comforter, but not quite beige either, I think. You?" she asked.

"Uh, light grey," I answered, surprised by her genuinely curious voice.

"Hey, Bella?" she asked. She sounded uncertain, which was surprising for her.

"Yeah?" I asked. I was glad I was driving, so I didn't have to look her in the eye.

"I'm... I'm sorry about fifth grade," she apologized.

"It's not problem," I admitted, "Besides, new school, clean slate. Just don't do it again."

"Thanks, Bella!" she told me. I smiled, maybe she had changed. For a brief moment I looked over at her. She was already in a texting conversation. Maybe not. Well, it has to start somewhere.

For the rest of the ride we talked on and off about everything and anything, but they were all shallow topics: music, television shows, movies...

We were exhausted by the time we got home around nine-o-clock. We said goodnight to our parents and went to sleep on the mattresses that our parents had set up in our rooms. I also noticed that my boxes had already been taken into my room. I would have to thank Mom and Dad. I changed in the PJs that I found in one of my boxes and quickly brushed my teeth and washed my face. I called a thank you down the stairs and asked Mom to wake me up around eight-o-clock. I fell to the mattress on the floor in my room, instantly losing consciousness.

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I was woken up the next morning at eight fifteen by my mother, saying that I looked too peaceful to wake up. After having some fruit for breakfast I went upstairs to wake up Amanda. To my extreme surprise, she was already showered and dressed. We brushed our teeth together before I washed my face and brushed my hair, while she got some breakfast. I quickly changed into some dark wash blue jeans and a light grey tank top. I grabbed a purple zip-up hoody before meeting Amanda at the door.

We found the local hardware store and headed to the paint section. Amanda had a fabric swatch that she wanted to match, but I just looked at the wall of colors. I quickly found the grey swatches and found one that had a bit of shimmer in it, so it was almost a subtle silver color. I also bought some black paint for the closet doors and window seat area.

We bought some brushes, painting tape, plastic coverings and paint trays before heading back home. It was only ten-o-clock, so we started painting after changing my clothes. When I stopped at one-o-clock for a late lunch, I had finished the primer coats on three of the walls. When I finished painting for the day at seven-o-clock for another microwave dinner, two of the walls were done with the final coat. I carefully dragged my mattress into the closest office room to sleep without the fumes, and noticed Amanda doing the same. We laughed before getting ready for bed and heading back to sleep.

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After a quick breakfast and shower I got back to work. I was finished with all of my grey paint by noon. After a small lunch of celery, carrots, and peanut butter I painted the black on the doors and window seat. I was still pretty energized when I was finished, so I walked down the hallway to see if Amanda needed help. Her room looked amazing. On the lower third of the wall she had a chocolate brown paint that matched her comforted. She had already finished the upper two thirds which were the lighter color she had explained to me yesterday. She was currently resting on the floor.

"You need any help?" I asked her.

"No," she said standing up, "I'm just waiting for it to dry before I start the blue stripe."

"Good luck," I breathed as I walked out of her room and downstairs. Both of my parents said that they didn't need any help, so I decided to go for a run. I grabbed my iPod and headed out the door.

Running down the wet street, I though about how I had barely been able to run before. I would trip over my feet every two seconds it had seemed. After months of practice, I was finally able to run without my head down, watching for bumps in the sidewalk.

I decided to turn around and run back; the clouds were getting even darker and it looked like it was going to rain. I checked my watch; it was almost four-o-clock. On my way back I encountered the first and only car I had seen. It was a nice silver Volvo, going much to fast to be in compliance with the speed limit in the opposite way.

I got back around four fifteen and hung out in the kitchen, listening to the radio until as I made a homemade dinner of rice, canned vegetables and left-over microwave chicken that nobody ate yesterday.

I fell asleep early that night, tired from a long day of tedious work and exercise.

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I woke up around ten-o-clock, having slept in. The IKEA workers were already assembling my furniture in my room, so I guess it was a good thing I had fallen asleep in my clothes. By one-o-clock the three workers had set up both my and Amanda's furniture.

I put the shelves to the right of the window, and moved the desk to the left of it. I hung up the black curtains in front of my windows, putting the cushions in their place. The curtains were just right. When you let them fall together, they completely blocked out the light. If I wanted to, I could sit in the window seat and hid myself from the rest of my room, putting myself in a place where nobody could find me.

I shifted my dresser so it was perpendicular to the wall to the left of my closet. With Charlie's help I shifted the bed so that the headboard was centered on the left wall. I put the mattress onto the bed and put on the gold sheets and the comforter. I rested there for a few minutes before starting to unpack. I started with my books and clothes. While I was setting up my alarm clock and desk light, which I put on the nightstand, I calculated the money I had left. With my savings it was over 1,000. I set up my laptop at my desk and connected to the internet that Amanda and I demanded we get instead of dial up. I was glad we had, the service was slow enough now.

I located the closest electronic store, which was still three hours away, but if I could find what I wanted, maybe they could deliver it and set if up. After half an hour of various searches I found it. I ordered it online, entering my credit card number and address information. Perfect, they could set it up on Tuesday for an extra 50.

1,200. Not bad for a 40" plasma screen TV and a wall mount. Now I could give Amanda the TV we had shared. I was doing her a favor too! I just hoped that my parents wouldn't freak out too much. Well, we would see tomorrow.

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**A/N: All of the picture are on my profile! **

**Please review or I won't continue!**

**-K.C.**


	2. How Far We've Come

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I can't believe I forgot this on the first chapter!

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, or Leave Out All the Rest by Linkin Park, or IKEA, or Target, or Volvo, or Chevrolet, or How Far We've Come by Matchbox Twenty.**

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Bella POV

I woke up the next morning feeling fairly comfortable with my new surroundings. I liked the way my room looked, dark and mysterious, in the morning; the sun didn't come through the window like it did in L.A. I checked my alarm clock for the time: seven thirty-three. Although some people thought it was crazy, it was normal for me to wake up this early in the morning naturally. My body new there were things to do and so it could no longer lie in bed.

I took a shower, realizing that I hadn't taken one in three days. I felt so clean and renewed. I got dressed in some dark brown khaki pants and a deep red tank-top. Feeling adventurous, I dug through one of the boxes that I still needed to unpack. I found my make up and took it all out.

Most of my makeup was eyeliner, mascara, eye-shadow, and lip gloss, but I do have some mineral powder. At the bottom of the pile I found what I was looking for: my small supply of nail polish. I had two shades of silver, a shimmery blood red shade, a bright red, various dark blues and purples, and two blacks as well as a clear gloss coat. I took the darker red one and got to work. When I finished with that I took the black and gave myself colored French tips. I applied the final coat of clear gloss and walked downstairs for breakfast.

Amanda was already eating breakfast at the table. I grabbed a bowl and pored myself some Raisin Bran **(I love that cereal, and I don't own it either)**. I sat down across from Amanda, who wasn't so much eating her breakfast as she was stirring it around in her bowl.

"Are you ok?" I asked her. "You seem really nervous."

"Yeah... well, no," she paused for a moment, "Can I trust you?" she asked, leaning closer.

"What the hell it that?" Dad called from the newly dubbed living room. From what I could guess, that was the delivery of my TV.

"Shit!" Amanda and I muttered at the same time.

"What?" she asked, looking as confused as I felt.

"Well, I had some money- well a lot of money actually- left over, and I bought a TV with it," I admitted.

Her eyes grew wide before she started laughing, hard.

"What?" I asked her, getting a bit miffed and angry.

"I did the same thing!" she said when she had regained enough composure to talk.

Oh boy, Dad is going to be so pissed.

"Dad is so gonna kill us!" we muttered at the same time. It surprised me again at how similar we could be when we are so different. The doorbell rang and we walked slowly to it as Dad opened the door.

"I have two 40" plasma screen televisions with hanging shelves and one Blue ray DVD system for Amanda and Isabella Swan," the delivery man told my father. Amanda and I watched in horror as Dad's eyes widened and then narrowed into slits. Mom came down the stairs by that point, confused by what was happening.

Amanda and I exchanged a glance –we had gotten the same TV- and quickly ran over to sign for the electronics. My mom looked very confused, and my Dad looked like he was about to spontaneously combust.

"Renee, I need to talk to you for a moment," he said in a deathly calm voice. She followed him into the kitchen and I could hear them arguing.

The guy came back with two sets of identical packages, "Where should I set these up?" he asked.

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Amanda and I talked in her room- which was finished and as lovely as ever- while the guy set up my TV across from my bed.

"I can't believe we got the same TV!" she giggled.

"I know, and I'm glad you got a DVD system; now I can take the one from our old TV without feeling bad!" I laughed back. It wasn't completely genuine, but we both needed to give if we were going to get anywhere.

"Great minds think alike!" she suggested with another giggle.

"Yeah," I agreed halfheartedly.

"Amanda! Bella! We'd like to talk with you!" Mom called from downstairs.

Our smiles disappeared as our faces paled.

"We are so dead," we said together.

I thought about this as we walked downstairs. Amanda really did seem to be changing, and I hated to admit it but so did I. We had talked more today than we had in the last three months combined, minus the arguments. We really were coming along way.

We entered the kitchen together, simultaneously gulping.

"I know my reaction back there wasn't a good one," Dad started, "and I know that I told you to spend the money on whatever for your rooms, so I'm going to let you keep the TVs." What's the catch? I asked in my mind. "But, no cable and if you forget to turn it off before you go to bed, there will be consequences."

Amanda and I quickly pounced, hugging Dad and squealing "Thank you" every two seconds. Mom came and hugged us too, so we thanked her as well.

"Your TVs are all set," the man said before leaving the house.

Amanda squealed and hugged a very surprised me, before suggesting a moderately good idea.

"Let's go out for lunch!"

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Edward POV

Alice was the most annoying sister ever. I didn't mind being switched around from foster home to foster home at all compared to living with her. Don't get me wrong, the Cullens are great, the best foster parents I've had so far. Esme was really nice and had the best cooking of all of my foster mothers, and Carlisle was very kind and made sure to take time off from work to spend time with us. _Us_ being Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, Jasper and myself.

Emmett is the biggest of my siblings; he plays football and is one of the most popular guys at school. His girlfriend, Rosalie, is Jasper's twin sister. They were taken in by their aunt, Esme, when their parents were killed in a car accident. Alice, who is also Jasper's girlfriend, was adopted about a year before me, but we are the same age.

I hated that fact. Because we are both juniors, I am in many of her classes and she always wants to take me shopping for clothes that would 'make me more likeable'.

But I didn't want to be 'more likeable', I wanted to be myself. Too bad Alice didn't like who I was. She didn't like how I only ever wore dark grey and dark blue and black. She didn't understand why I couldn't fake a smile every once and a while just to make myself look friendlier. Her least favorite part was probably my music.

When I had been adopted when we were 12, I loved classical piano music. I played it nearly everyday. When I hit puberty, I changed. I liked different bands and music genres. I moved from playing the grand piano that had been kept in the library to playing the keyboard that I kept in my room.

The rest of the family didn't have a problem with me being emo, as long as I kept my grades up and kept out of drugs, they were fine with it. But Alice always said I needed to be myself. Too bad she never realized that what she meant was be my _old_ self.

She had stopped talking to me for two weeks now, a new record for her perky little being. That's why I was so surprised when she demanded I get off me "fat ass and do something with my life." I told her fine, that I would go to dinner with her and Jasper if she wanted. When I said that she seemed strangely smug. I don't know how, but she convinced Carlisle and Esme to let us- all of us, Emmett and Rosalie too- go out to Port Angeles on a school night.

She dragged us all to La Bella Italia, a small Italian restaurant there. We were seated by the front window, where you could look up and down the wet streets of the tourist hot-spot. I sipped my water quietly as the others talked about the return to school the next day. We had just ordered our food- we were all going to share two large pizzas- when something out the window caught my eye. Actually, it was someone.

She was walking down the street with what looked like her sister and parents. From the looks on the parents' faces, they were getting along well, but that was unusual. The taller girl was wearing a light green long sleeve top and white washed jeans. She had long, dark brown hair and light blue eyes. She was undeniably beautiful, but the other girl was more so.

She had dark, mahogany brown hair, but it was still lighter than the other girl's. It flowed just past her shoulder blades and splayed out on her blood red tank top. She had on deep brown khaki pants that brought out her beautiful chocolate brown eyes. I was surprised that she could walk around so warm in a tank top, but her pale arms were smooth; no goose-bumps.

My heart rate sped up as they turned to enter the restaurant. I watched, but was disappointed when they were seated out of view. I looked back to my siblings. Each and every one of them had a smug grin on his or her face.

"What?" I asked, annoyed.

Various phrases and words were all blurted out at once: nothing, what are you talking about, what was that... It all added up to one thing: they were hiding something.

I vowed to myself that I would find out what.

**Bella POV**

By the time we got home- just a little after nine-o-clock- Amanda and I were joking around like old friends. We were hanging out in her room, listening to our iPods and joking around. How Far We've Come came on and I couldn't help but laughing.

_I'm waking up at the start of the end of the world,  
but its feeling just like every other morning before,  
Now I wonder what my life is going to mean if it's gone,_

"What?" Amanda asked.

_The cars are moving like a half a mile an hour and I,  
started staring at the passengers waving goodbye  
can you tell me what was ever really special about me all this time?_

"Don't you think this song is just too fitting for right now?" I asked her.

_But I believe the world is burning to the ground  
oh well I guess we're gonna find out  
let's see how far we've come  
let's see how far we've come  
Well I, believe, it all, is coming to an end  
oh well, I guess, we're gonna pretend,  
let's see how far we've come  
let's see how far we've come_

"Huh? The end of the world?" she asked confused.

_I think it turned ten o'clock but I don't really know  
then I can't remember caring for an hour or so _

"Okay, so maybe the lyrics aren't a perfect match, but the title fits." I giggled. We started singing quietly to the music, dancing around in her room.

_  
started crying and I couldn't stop myself  
I started running but there's no where to run to  
I sat down on the street, took a look at myself  
said where you going man you know the world is headed for hell  
say your goodbyes if you've got someone you can say goodbye to_

_I believe the world is burning to the ground  
oh well I guess we're gonna find out  
let's see how far we've come (right now)  
let's see how far we've come  
Well I, believe, it all, is coming to an end  
oh well, I guess, we're gonna pretend,  
let's see how far we've come  
let's see how far we've come_

Its gone gone baby its all gone  
there is no one on the corner and there's no one at home  
well it was cool cool, it was just all cool  
now it's over for me and it's over for you  
well its gone gone baby its all gone  
there's no one on the corner and there's no one at home  
well it was cool cool, it was just all cool  
now it's over for me and it's over for you

I believe the world is burning to the ground  
oh well I guess we're gonna find out  
let's see how far we've come  
let's see how far we've come  
Well I, believe, it all, is coming to an end  
oh well, i guess, we're gonna pretend,  
let's see how far we've come, again  
let's see how far we go  
let's see how far we've come  
let's see how far we go  
let's see how far we've come  
let's see how far we go  
let's see how far we've come  
let's see how far we go

We brushed our teeth together before I took my iPod and headed off to bed. How Far We've Come was stuck in my head, and I was mumbling the lyrics as I slipped into the land of dreams.

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I was in the Psych office, and for some demented reason I was hiring Shawn and Gus to find my sister, Amanda, who had eloped with this jerk Alec from L.A.

"Can't you find them?" I begged.

"Sure, let me contact Elvis for you," Shawn answered.

Gus hit him on the arm, "Elvis? Are you serious?"

"Yes I'm serious. Odds are they're in Vegas, and Elvis can help us out a little then."

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I was elated when I woke up from my dream, it was just too. Plain. Weird. I took a shower quickly and got dressed. I found a silver tank top and pulled on some black wash jeans. I found a tight black zip up jacket and threw that on over. I went to the bathroom to ready myself for the day. I dried and straightened my hair as well as lightly applied purple eye-shadow, black eyeliner and pale pink lip gloss.

I grabbed breakfast with Amanda before heading to the van for our first day of school. I had already put my black raincoat and black book bag in the van, but Amanda had to run back inside to get her own.

We pulled up to the school and I took a deep breath, mentally preparing myself for the hours of torture to come.

**A/N: So how did you like chapter 2? did you like the POV switch? How about the BellaxAmanda bonding? Tell me what you think so I can make the story better.**

**Review or I won't keep writing. **

**Review Cookie!! **

**With love, K.C.**


	3. Stop and Stare

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything. Got it? Good.**

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Bella POV

The small office was cool, just as cold as it was outside. And just as green; potted plants grew everywhere. I walked to the front desk and cleared my throat. The woman- Ms. Cope according to her name plate- looked up, annoyed with my impatience.

"Hi. I'm Isabella and this is Amanda Swan. We're new students here, and we figured we should come here first," I said, faking a smile to be polite.

"Oh, yes, well..." she searched through the scattered papers on her desk, finally picking two folders up. "These are your schedules. The folders also have a map of the school and slips that you will need each of your teachers to sign. I hope you enjoy it here in Forks," she finished maternally. Somehow I doubted it.

There was still ten minutes until class, and the small open-aired campus would be easy to navigate, so Amanda and I compared folders. We had many classes together, but not all of them. We shared English first, and then I went to Government while she had Biology. We also both had Trigonometry and then Spanish together before lunch. After that I had Biology when she had Government. Both of our last class was Gym.

We decided that we didn't want to be late on our first day, so we headed off to building # for English. The teacher, Mr. Mason, signed our slips and sent us to our seats, handing us a list of books to read. It was pretty basic: _Brontë, Shakespeare, Faulkner, and Chaucer..._

As the rest of the class filed in, I could feel them watching me, observing my negative attitude and dark clothes. One must have decided to curse me with his presence and came over to hit on me before class started.

"Hey, I'm Mike Newton," he smiled. He was fairly good looking with light blue eyes, but way too happy to be anything close to the type that I don't have. "If you want, I can show you around later, I know a few empty classrooms and closets."

"Shut up you fucking pervert," I said in a completely disinterested voice, loud enough for a few people standing around to hear and laugh. Then he turned around with a confused expression on his face and walked over to Amanda, staring at her breasts the entire time.

After she gave him the middle finger, the bell rang and he walked to his seat with an expression that read 'what the hell just happened?' on his face. The teacher droned through the hour, and my next few classes continued in much the same way. At least nobody was stupid enough to try to flirt with me like Mike had.

When the bell rang signaling the end of Spanish, Amanda and a girl with curly, dark brown hair walked over to me. Amanda was smiling genuinely enough, but the other girl had a bored and regretful expression.

"Hey Bella, this is Jessica," Amanda started, gesturing to the other girl, "Did you want to sit with us today? She said there was some room at her table."

The girl, Jessica, was glaring at me behind Amanda's back. Her look said 'don't you dare accept', but she didn't have to worry, I wasn't going to.

"No thanks. I'll see you in gym, Amanda," I declined, heading off towards the cafeteria.

By the time I walked into the small cafeteria, most of the circular tables were filled with bubbly, talking teens. I decided to put off finding a place to eat for as long as possible and went to buy my food.

I went through the line, paying 12 for a slice of pizza, an apple, French fries, and a bottle of lemonade. My eyes searched the cafeteria for a seat. That's when I saw a smaller table, only big enough for three people, with only one person sitting at it.

He had bronze hair that fell onto his forehead in light curls. He had pale skin and circles as dark as mine underneath his bright emerald eyes. He was wearing and black t-shirt and dark- almost black but not quite- blue jeans. I walked over slowly; maybe I wouldn't be the only emo student to go here.

"Can I sit?" I asked nicely, but I was already sitting down.

The boy looked up, and his eyes widened, probably surprised to see one of his kind come to such a small, depressing town.

"Bella Swan," I said, offering him a fry as a peace offering.

"Edward Masen," he answered, accepting the fry and popping it into his mouth. But he still had a strange look on his face. It was almost like shock or disbelief.

"You okay?" I asked him. I didn't want to hang out with some crazy guy.

"Yeah; I heard twins were moving here, but I didn't expect someone I could actually talk to." I laughed with him.

Edward seemed really great. Even after only talking to him for a few moments, I knew that he could be a great friend. Seemed ready to listen, and at least he wasn't a fat ass or completely ugly.

"Well, my family just moved here from L.A., Amanda my parents and me. She's nice enough, but she's been a real bitch to me in the past, and I don't know if I can trust her yet, or even if I should.

"We got a new car when we moved here. It's a Chevy Uplander. It's not the nicest car, but I'll take it over the old truck we used to share. Do you have a car?" I asked to be polite. At least, that was my excuse, but I truly was genuinely interested... as strange as that may sound.

"I have a Silver Volvo. It's an S60R," he said. He seemed to really like his car. "What are your parents like?" he asked.

After finishing lunch, we headed to Biology together. He sat down while I got my slip signed by Mr. Varner, the teacher. The bell rang as he was handing the sheet back to me.

"You can go sit with Mr. Cullen in the back," he said, waving me away. I looked to the back of the room, but the only seat open was next to Edward. As I walked towards him, I noticed he had an annoyed look on his face.

"You ok, Mr... Cullen?" I asked, very confused.

"I told him not to use that name," he muttered under his breath.

"What name? Cullen?" I whispered back. He pulled out a sheet and started writing on it.

_**(Edward, **_**Bella) **

_**I'm technically a foster child, like the rest who live with Esme and Carlisle, my technical last name is Cullen. But I think that it is stupid; why can't I have my own name? So I try to get people to recognize that my last name is Masen. That's what it will be once I turn 18.**_

I felt truly bad for him, and I wondered what happened to his parents, but one part truly confused me.

**The rest?**

_**I have four foster siblings... unfortunately. Rosalie, Alice, Emmett, and Jasper.**_

**Unfortunately?**

_**They don't understand why I'm like this.**_

I could understand that.

**Same, it sucks.**

_**Yeah, it does. **_

We stopped writing for a few minutes. I took a few notes from the lecture. It was on Cellular Anatomy, something I had already studied at my old school. It was a kind of boring subject the first time I learned it too, so I was grateful of Edwards's distraction as he passed me another note.

_**How about Amanda and your parents?**_

**Don't get me started. **I wrote to him. Apparently he wanted more, because he raised his eyebrows at me, questioning me. He was asking me to write more.

I thought about my response before I wrote it down for him to read. My sister had seemed to change, but only just barely, and I couldn't be sure of what that meant for me now. She could make my life just as miserable here as it was in L.A. And, god, my parents? They could not be farther apart. I don't understand how they manage, and my father doesn't and never did, understand me.

**Amanda use to hate me, she still might. She made my life hell since fifth grade. My Dad is overly strict and protective, and my mom is irresponsible and carefree. He hates who I have become, and my mom could care less. I have a messed up family.**

His lips twitched slightly at the edges, almost as if he was laughing. When he wrote back I understood it a bit more.

_**Ha, your family is nothing next to mine. Jasper and Alice, Rosalie and Emmett, they're dating.**_

I raised my eyebrows; that would have been unusual even in a city like L.A., let alone in tiny little Forks. I wondered if Edward was dating anyone, he hadn't mentioned anyone, but I couldn't be sure. He seemed like a great guy, and I hoped that he was happy.

"I'll see you later," I said before gathering my things and walking out the door to... gym. Oh boy.

Thankfully, the gym teacher, Coach Clapp, didn't make Amanda or me change into our gym uniforms. Instead, we watched, and she cheered, as four volleyball games were played simultaneously. I was actually excited a bit for tomorrow, however, because while I might not be the best player, I can spike the ball over the net (and onto ignorant girls' heads).

Finally, the bell rang and the day was over. Amanda and I walked to the office in silence. We dropped our folders off on Ms. Cope's desk- she wasn't in the office- and headed back to our car. As usual, I drove home.

"Why didn't you sit with Jessica and me at lunch today?" she asked. Her voice was a bit muted, so I couldn't tell if it was sincere or not.

"I didn't want to," I answered truthfully.

"Oh, silly Bella. You would have enjoyed yourself so much more if you had sat with us. Not to mention, now you might be a loser again for sitting with that Cullen boy. I thought you wanted a fresh start."

I was utterly offended. I didn't have an answer for a question that was so completely ridiculous and callous. Thankfully, I was pulling into the driveway, so I was able to get out of the car without answering.

I walked into my room with my backpack and started on my light homework load, contemplating the events of my day.

I had met and apparent 'loser' but fellow emo, Edward Masen. I had actually made a friend in this tiny disastrous town. But still, I had my suspicions on Amanda, and I wasn't going to let them go.

**

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Edward POV-

**Back in Biology**

I couldn't believe that she was here. She was sitting next to me; we were passing notes in class. Bella. I even knew her name.

And she was like me. She liked the same music and she was smart and funny.

_**How about Amanda and your parents? **_I asked her. I wanted to change the subject of f of me and learn more about her.

**Don't get me started. **She wrote back, but that wasn't enough. I raised my eyebrows at her and she wrote more.

**Amanda use to hate my, she still might. She made my life hell since fifth grade. My Dad is overly strict and protective, and my mom is irresponsible and carefree. I have a messed up family.**

I laughed internally; she thought her family was messed up.

_**Ha, your family is nothing next to mine. Jasper and Alice, Rosalie and Emmett, they're dating.**_

She raised her eyebrows and was about to write something down when the bell rang.

"I'll see you later," she said before walking to the door and exiting the classroom. I'm a guy, and I couldn't help but watch her hips sway as she did.

My last hour, Spanish, seemed to go by even more slowly than usual. I couldn't stop thinking about Bella. Everything about her was perfect. She wore clothes that showed off her figure without being a slut. Her light makeup and nails were so sexy. I knew I wanted her right away, from the moment I saw her on that street in Port Angeles. I promised, that no matter what, I would make her mine one day.

Finally, the bell rang, signaling that school was over. I walked to my car slowly, hoping I would see Bella in the parking lot, but I didn't. I climbed into my car and sped away; Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie all took the red convertible that Rosalie had clamed as her own. After a few minutes of driving twice the speed limit I pulled up to the large white mansion that had been my house for years, but never my home.

I heard Esme working in the kitchen as I walked in, but she didn't greet me; she knew I didn't like it. I walked to the refrigerator and grabbed and apple. Walking briskly up the stairs, I heard Rosalie's car pull up the long gravel driveway.

I rested on the long black couch that was set up in my room, eating my apple. I turned my stereo system on to random, and the music of OneRepublic **(Which I do not own) **filled the room.

_This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us  
It's time to make our move, I'm shaking off the rust  
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here  
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years  
Steady hands, just take the wheel...  
And every glance is killing me  
Time to make one last appeal... for the life I lead_

Stop and stare  
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere  
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared  
But I've become what I can't be, oh  
Stop and stare

Alice and Rosalie burst into my room. Alice was her smiling, bubbly self, while Rosalie looked very... reserved. Not quite melancholy, but very serious and almost solemn looking.

_You start to wonder why you're here not there  
And you'd give anything to get what's fair_

Alice grabbed the remote out of my hand, pausing the song as she a Rosalie perched themselves on the edge of my bed.

"Is there a reason why I am never even on your _floor _for more than ten seconds at a time, yet you find the need to walk up an extra flight of stairs just to annoy me. _Without _knocking I might add," I finished, annoyed at them for interrupting both my song and my reverie.

"So, Edward, there is this really nice, really cute new girl I think you would like," she started.

I felt my eyes widen slightly. How could she know I liked Bella already? I knew Alice was really good at reading signs and figuring out what they would mean in the future, but she couldn't already know, not when it had only been a day. **(If you have ever seen Psych, she is like Shawn)**

"Her name is Amanda."

I started laughing, but Alice frowned as Rosalie's eyes narrowed slightly.

"You don't think you would like her?" Alice asked, "She has an annoying twin sister apparently, but I want to meet her first."

I nearly growled when she said that Bella was 'annoying'. "Shut up Alice, just leave!" I shouted.

Rosalie's eyes widened. Before she followed Alice out the door, the expression on her face laid her thoughts out for me. She knew I liked Bella. She wasn't going to tell Alice, or Bella, but she had something else planning, she just wasn't sure exactly what it was yet.

They left and I turned my stereo back on.

_But fair ain't what you really need  
Oh, can you see what I see_

They're trying to come back, all my senses push  
Untie the weight bags, I never thought I could...  
Steady feet, don't fail me now  
Gonna run till you can't walk  
Something pulls my focus out  
And I'm standing down...

Stop and stare  
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere  
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared  
But I've become what I can't be, oh  
Stop and stare  
You start to wonder why you're here not there  
And you'd give anything to get what's fair  
But fair ain't what you really need  
Oh, you don't need

What you need, what you need...

Stop and stare  
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere  
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared  
But I've become what I can't be  
Oh, do you see what I see...

I finished my apple, thinking about what had happened so far today, going over it, event by event. I considered my conversations with both Bella and my sisters. I was lying back against the couch when the realization hit me, almost knocking my breath away.

In that moment, I became certain of three things. First, I really liked Bella, maybe even loved her, if those things happen this fast. Second, Rosalie knew. Third, she would do anything to keep it from happening.

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**A/N: Like the chapter? Hate the chapter? Tell me in a REVIEW. **

**At least vote on the extra special and amazing POLL on my profile to tell me if you want Amanda to truly change or not!! **

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	4. Hey Now 'Augustana'

**A/N: First of all I would like to thank everyone who has voted on my poll about Amanda. It is still running, so vote at the end of the chapter.**

**Also, I'm SO sorry it has taken so long. I finally got a new laptop, but the internet connection is bad, so it takes longer to look up info and get lyrics. It also takes longer to enter the chapter. **

**I would also like to thank **_**jacob black is my hottie **_**for the first review I got that told me what you guys wanted. Those help me write, so more of you should do it. **

**Disclaimer: I own only Amanda, but I'm not sure that's a good thing...**

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Edward POV

I woke up on Thursday **(Remember that Thursday is the next day because break got back on a Wednesday)**, not to the bright sun shining through the window-wall that faces south, but to an annoying pixie hitting me on the head with my pillow. I groaned and rolled over, looking at the clock. It was only 6:15! I usually didn't get up for another forty five minutes; that gave me forty five minutes to take a shower, eat breakfast, and drive to school.

"Go away, Alice!" I growled at her.

She giggled, "Silly Edward. You know that you can't win against me!"

"Oh yes I can!" I said. I jumped out of bed, grabbed her into my arms, and dumped her into the hallway, locking the door after I slammed it shut. It wasn't that hard considering she's not even five feet tall and probably weighs less than 100 pounds.

When she finally stopped pounding on my door I went back to sleep for another forty minutes of sleep.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

When I woke up just before seven-o-clock– in my opinion a normal time to wake up- I took a quick shower in my personal bathroom and quickly brushed my teeth. I would have tried to brush my hair, but I could tell already that it wouldn't cooperate more than it already had. I pulled on some dark grey cargo pants and a black Linkin Park tour t-shirt from when they came to Seattle.

I grabbed my backpack and quietly walked downstairs- I didn't want to run into Alice again. I went to the kitchen and grabbed a plate of fruit. I saran-wrapped the watermelon, honeydew, strawberries, and grapes and ran to my car; I would eat breakfast when I got there.

It was still only seven-thirty when I parked my car in the school lot. I grabbed my fruit and my backpack and headed over to one of the benches. My car was the only one in the lot. I was day dreaming about how Bella had smelled like strawberries a bit when I heard another car pull in. It was a black Uplander- Bella's car. It was only seven-thirty-five. She and Amanda got out of the car and grabbed there things Bella looked a bit tired, like she hadn't completely waken up yet. She saw me and I waved, she smiled and waved back. She walked over to the bench I was at and sat down beside me.

She was wearing deep purple leggings under a black skirt that reached mid thigh. Her purple long-sleeved shirt had silver threads running through it, and it matched well with the black, zip-up vest she was wearing, as the pockets were studded with small silver spikes.

Her hair was still a bit wet, and it hung in loose waves at her shoulders. Along with her shimmering dark grey eye-shadow, black eyeliner and mascara, she looked sexy.

"Can I have some? I didn't have breakfast this morning," she asked with a yawn.

"Of course," I answered, offering her the half full plate.

"Mm, strawberries," she commented, taking a bite. I couldn't help but watch the way her lips- coated in a layer of deep pink lip gloss- pressed against the strawberry as she bit down. It was like she was showing my what she could do. She probably had no idea of the effect she had on me though.

I stared off into the rain as she finished the fruit; I couldn't watch her eat without thinking of her full, pink lips, and that would surely have me undone.

"Alice wants to set me up with your sister," I told her.

She gave me an incredulous stare before cracking up in fits of giggles. Her laughter was beautiful. I couldn't help but hope that she was laughing to cover up jealousy, although I knew that probably wasn't the case.

"Have fun with her!" she joked as we headed our separate way to class.

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Bella POV

I woke up the next morning from peaceful dreams. I walked down the hall to the bathroom, only to find that the door was locked because Amanda was already in the shower. I sighed angrily before making my way downstairs to eat breakfast, only to find that we didn't have any food.

I sighed again and walked upstairs to pick out my cloths. I finally settled on dark purple leggings that ended mid calf with black lace, a short- but not too short- black skirt, a dark purple long sleeved shirt with silver accents, and a black vest. I heard Amanda get out of the shower.

It was already seven fifteen, so I hurried through my shower and the rest of my morning routine. I barely had time to towel dry my hair enough so it wouldn't drip on my clothes.

At seven twenty three I grabbed my backpack and rushed Amanda out to the car. Even though I didn't want to break the law and have dad ground me, I didn't want to be late either, so I sped a good twenty miles over the speed limit to get to school a little after seven-thirty; We were ten minutes early.

I saw Edward waving from a bench, so I waved back and walked over. He had a plate full of fruit- yummy, juicy, delicious looking fruit. I could feel my mouth watering from hunger.

"Can I have some?" I asked, but I didn't want to sound like I expected him to just give me his food, so I explained. "I didn't have breakfast this morning."

"Of course," he said, handing me the plate. There was some watermelon, honeydew, a few grapes and...

"Mm, strawberries." They're my favorite.

I felt kind of awkward as he watched me eat the first few pieces of fruit. After that he looked away until I finished. I wonder what that was about,

We started walking towards the buildings for school, since classes started I a few minutes. My stomach was full enough that I couldn't complain that I hadn't had breakfast, and I was overall contented.

"Alice wants to set me up with your sister," Edward informed me. I couldn't help but start laughing uncontrollably. Just the thought of Amanda and Edward enjoying a conversation or holding hands with the other was enough to make anyone burst out laughing. The two just didn't go together.

He was looking at me with a pained but almost hopeful expression, which helped me sober up.

"Have fun with her!" I joked as I turned to head to English.

I class today we discussed whether or not you should give up your own life if the person you love is dead. I personally think that's stupid. You have your own life to live, so live it. Of course, that doesn't mean I don't think that what Romeo and Juliet did was beautiful, it's just not for me, if I ever even find love at all.

The rest of the day was slow. We were talking about the defaults of democracy in Government. Most of it was a lecture on the Holocaust; mainly focusing on how the Nazis were a political party and were elected to rule. Trig was as boring as it was yesterday and as boring as it was in L.A., if not more so. In Spanish we went over conjugating the newest verbs that the other students had learned before winter break. I had learned them in eighth grade.

When lunch ended, I headed off to the cafeteria. I bought my lunch, which today consisted of a chicken Caesar salad, French fries and a Vanilla Pepsi. I walked over to the table that Edward and I had sat at the day before, only to find it full with him, Amanda and a short and extremely thin girl with short black hair.

"See you guys," Edward said as I slowly approached, unsure of what to do, "You are taking Bella's spot."

The pixie like girl let out a loud sigh before taking her tray and standing up. Amanda followed her example, but at least she didn't glare at me as they passed.

"Thank you for saving me," he sighed gratefully as I took my seat. "Alice was trying to set us up, and they kept bitching on you. I couldn't take it anymore." When he mentioned them bitching on me he got an odd expression, but it was quickly wiped away and replaced with a smooth emotionless mask. Suddenly I was worried with what Amanda might have said. I started eating to hide my nervousness.

"What did she tell you about me?" I whispered, almost too afraid to know. Almost.

"She said that you were a lesbian slut in L.A." he said regretfully.

"And you believed her?" I asked in a small voice. I didn't want to lose the one friend I had.

"Should I?"

"No," I said, almost in tears.

He smiled. He had an attractive smile that some girls would swoon over, and I suppose that it was quite cute. It was sort of crooked in a way, and it showed off her perfect, white teeth.

"Thanks," I said. It was impossible not to smile back.

"Do you want to do something tomorrow?" he asked. "I've lived here for two years now, and weekends are dead boring."

"Mr. Masen, are you asking me out on a date?" I asked jokingly. It looked like he might have blushed a little, and he was shaking his head, so I decided that he didn't get that I was joking and decided to end his embarrassment. "I was joking Edward. Sure, I'd go. Anything to get out of the house while Amanda's home," I explained.

"I hate you, _Isabella,_" he joked, smiling his crooked smile again. I smiled back and shook my head.

"Get used to it!" I said before getting up to throw away my garbage.

I wasn't sure if I really heard what he said next, or if it was just someone else in the packed cafeteria. Even if it was him, I was fairly certain that I wasn't supposed to hear it when he murmured "I think I could".

**(Know that I considered ending here, but that would be a really short chapter. I'm not _that_ mean, so here's more of the story.)**

_I think I could._ That could have so many different meanings, most of them led me to the idea that he thinks of us as a couple, or hopes that we will be. I wasn't ready for that, and I certainly didn't think of Edward as that, but I couldn't think of a quick fix for this. When I sat down I acted as though I hadn't heard the last part.

"So I wanted to take you to this place that I go," he started in between bites of his hamburger, "when I want to be alone and just think. I have a feeling that you would appreciate that." I smiled and nodded at him. He finished his lunch and I followed him when he threw away his trash. We headed to Biology together, discussing the top five reasons to hate Mike Newton.

We took our seats in Biology just when the bell rang. Mr. Varner a worksheet out to each table and told us to complete it with our desk-mates. He said that the first group that finished with all of the answers correct would get extra credit.

Of course, within ten minutes Edward and I were done. Each of us received an extra five points to our grade. In this activity I

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learned more about Edward. I could tell that he was a good student; he was smart and must have normally paid attention in class. We both agreed on the correct answers right away, and as we looked around after we had completed another homework worksheet, not a single other group had finished the first one.

"So what do Carlisle and Esme do?" I asked to pass the time, but I was also genuinely interested.

"Carlisle is a doctor, and Esme is an interior designer," he answered. He sounded bored.

"Want to play twenty questions?" I asked. I was so bored that this might actually help at this point. I'm sure my bored tone melted into my words, because he laughed and nodded.

"You first then."

"Okay…" I tried to think of a good question. "Favorite color?"

"You need to ask?" he sighed in fake disgust. "Black. And you?"

"Deep burgundy or dark purple, but black is second. Um… what's your favorite thing to do in your spare time?" God that was a lame question.

"I write compositions or play keyboard. What about you?" he asked.

"I write lyrics sometimes, but mostly I read. A lot," I emphasized.

He laughed. "What books do you read?"

"I believe it's my turn to ask the question," I replied. He shook his head in defeat, but I could see a smile on his face and I could just barely hear his quiet laughter.

"What did you dream about last night?"

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Edward POV

I wasn't going to answer that question. At least not truthfully. How was I supposed to tell her that I dreamed about her last night? She would probably stop talking to me.

"I dreamed about vampires," I lied. "You were a vampire, it was really weird." I told her that she was in my dream, so I guess it wasn't a complete lie.

"What books do you read?" I asked, bringing the subject back to her.

"Mostly the classics, Jane Austin, Shakespeare. Wuthering Heights is my favorite, right behind that is Pride and Prejudice." She smiled shyly.

"What books do you read?" she asked.

"I like more modern books, ones that are more cryptic. Harry Potter is… okay I guess, but I prefer The Da Vinci Code and historical fiction and non fiction books," I replied honestly this time. "What TV do you watch?"

"I like detective shows: Monk, Psych, Crossing Jordan. I like CSI too, but only the original and New York, Miami is way too melodramatic. I like House too. And I watch Discovery Channel way too much to be healthy," she explained. She seemed a little ashamed at the last part.

"Its fine," I told her, "I watch the Discovery Channel a lot too. I actually watch the documentaries a lot."

For the rest of the period we gave up on questioning and discussed the Pros and Cons on different TV shows, books and movies. Bella was so intellectual. She could actually carry an intelligent conversation and defend her opinions. She was beautiful in everyway.

After Biology I went to to finish off my day. When I got to the parking lot when school let out, I saw Bella standing in the rain as her car was driven out of the parking lot. She sighed before looking around for a solution. She saw me, and it made me happy when her face lit up.

She half ran through the rain, turning her head to make sure that no cars were headed towards her. When she was a few feet away, she slipped on the wet pavement and fell forward. I stepped forward and caught her in my arms. I savored the moment, as I could feel her warmth through my jacket and her hands were splayed across my chest. Hopefully one day they would be there on purpose…

"Hey, umm can I get a ride?" she asked as she brushed herself off.

"Of course," I said as I turned her to my Volvo and opened the passenger door for her. She blushed lightly as she sat down. I walked around to the other side and got in. Once I way on the road, I asked her the question that had been bothering me. "Why didn't you take your car?"

"Amanda took it. Alice was with her, you know? She was in the front seat, which is why there was apparently no room in the chair for me."

I felt disgusted that my sister would act like that. She had always seemed nicer than making a girl walk home in the rain. I was ashamed by her actions, even though they allowed me to spend more time with Bella.

"I apologize for my so-called sister."

"It's fine; it was my sister more than yours. And at least you have the excuse that she is adopted, I'm blood related to my sister," she joked.

"Um, I don't know where you live…" I started.

"Oh, of course, its not like you're some weird stalker," I felt a bit guilty at that comment, "I live just around the corner here, 1109." **(A/N: Her address is never mentioned, so I just used my lucky number… Yeah, I know that 1109 is a weird lucky number.)**

I pulled into her driveway and stopped the car. Her house seemed inviting, but I could see how it could easily become a cage to Bella.

"I'm really sorry about my sister, Bella," I apologized again, but words didn't seem like enough.

"Its fine, I got a ride with you. Hey, do you want to come in?"

I paused for a second so it didn't seem like I was screaming yes. "Sure," I told her. We grabbed our bags and brought them inside. The house still had unopened boxes scattered inside of it. The walls were white; her parents must not have decided what color to paint it, or had decided against painting it at all.

Bella turned right and walked up the stairs. I could hear Alice and another girl, Amanda I assumed, talking in the kitchen. Alice gave me a death glare when she saw me in the house, but otherwise they both ignored us completely.

Once we arrived at the second floor she opened the door to her right and walked to the far corner of the room to put her bag on the black desk that was over there. Her room was amazing. It has shimmery grey walls and great silver and black furnishings. She even had a TV set up on the wall across from her bed.

"This is a nice room," I exhaled in awe. Understatement of the year! Bella went and sat down on her desk chair, swiveling it to face me.

"If you want to do your homework, you can use my desk and I'll set up on my bed or the floor or something," she suggested.

"No, its fine. I can set up on the floor. It's your desk after all."

"Ok, but I may need some help in Trig, I don't understand half of it," she told me with a laugh. I would be happy to help her with her Trig homework, I was getting a high A in that class, and I could show off a bit.

"I'd be glad to help," I told her before starting to take out my textbook to get started on the notes that I needed to take. I was halfway through my English essay when Bella asked for help.

It was pretty simple for me, so I help her finish the worksheet quickly. Even so, it was almost five-o-clock by the time we had finished our homework. We were sitting on her bed watching Cash Cab on the Discovery Channel when her parents got home.

"What cylindrical, American, toy was banned in Japan for bringing inappropriate attention to the pelvic area?" Ben Bailey asked the contestants.

"Ooh, ooh, it's the hoola-hoop!" Bella shouted, bouncing on the bed.

"That makes sense," I agreed as Ben on the TV said "The hoola-hoop is right for another fifty dollars."

Bella's door slammed open, and Alice, Amanda, and who I could only assume was Charlie stood in the doorway.

"Dad?" Bella asked. She was very confused.

"Get the hell away from my daughter!" Charlie shouted.

Alice leaned over to Amanda and whispered in her ear, but I had always had amazing hearing, and I heard it when she said, "I told you he would get in her bed."

Amanda leaned back over, "And I told you that the slut would let him."

I continued to stare, confused at Charlie.

"I told you to get out!" he yelled again.

I stood up slowly, and grabbed my backpack, giving Alice a questioning look as I passed her to get into the hallway.

"How are you getting home?" I asked her darkly.

"Oh, I've been invited to stay for dinner," she said cheerily, but I could hear the mocking in her voice. "Then Amanda is going to drive me home."

I turned to the stairs and walked down slowly. I was about to turn around and grab my phone, but I heard Charlie yelling at Bella.

"I don't want you seeing him!" he shouted.

"It's not like that Dad, he's just a friend," it hurt me to hear the honesty in her voice, and I walked out of her house and into the cool outside air. My tears mixed with the rain as I made my way to the car and drove off. I turned on the radio, hoping that music would calm me like it did most of the time, but the words of Hey Now by Augustana did nothing to help.

_Sky black and blue  
Blue turned to red  
It's quiet in the streets now  
It's screaming in your head_

I ain't a fool  
I've got my doubts  
Say it doesn't hurt  
Doesn't matter anyhow  
Anyhow

Saying hey you're bleeding for nothing  
It's hard to breathe when you're standing on your own  
We'll kill ourself to find freedom  
You'll kill yourself to find anything at all

So lock all the doors  
And put your child to rest  
It's quiet in the streets now  
It's screaming in your head  
We're passing the time  
We're breaking apart  
We're damned at the end  
We're damned at the start  
Blame it on the roses  
Blame it on the red  
Running out of time  
Running out of breath

Saying hey now you're bleeding for nothing  
It's hard to breathe when you're standing on your own  
We'll kill ourself to find freedom  
You'll kill yourself to find anything

You say good-bye  
Every day and night  
With writing on the walls  
Everybody's gonna need somebody  
To take our troubles, and our worries, and our problems all away

'Cause, hey you're just bleeding for nothing  
It's hard to breathe when you're standing on your own  
We'll kill ourself to find freedom  
You'll kill yourself to find anything at all

Hey now you're bleeding for nothing  
It's hard to breathe when you're standing on your own  
We'll kill ourself to find freedom  
You'll kill yourself before  
You'll kill yourself again

Hey now, hey now, hey now  
Right now  
Hey now, hey now, hey now  
Right now  
Hey now, hey now, hey now  
Right now

Hey now, hey now

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

I sat across from Rosalie at the dinner table tonight. To the left of her was Emmett, and to the left of me was an empty seat, then Jasper. Esme and Carlisle sat at the heads of the table. We were eating pasta tonight, and Esme was trying to bring me into the conversation.

"So Edward, you went to the Swan's house after school today?" she asked politely.

"Yes," I snapped. She wasn't surprised by my attitude.

"So you and Alice are friends with Amanda? That's nice."

"No, Alice is friends with Amanda, I'm Bella's friend," I corrected her. I was surprised that she thought Alice and I would have the same friend. Perhaps it was wishful thinking.

I looked at Rosalie, and I could tell that she didn't miss me flinch at Bella's name. Rosalie was the closest thing I had to a sibling here; she never tried to change me, and tried to make me feel better when I could. Our strongest bond was from working on our families cars together. She was nice enough to me, but she was too protective sometimes. I was still worried with what she might do.

I finished dinner without talking to anyone, and I was about to go upstairs when Alice sat down next to me at the table.

Esme, Rosalie, Jasper and Alice started to talk about Alice and Amanda when Alice turned to me.

"Oh, and Charlie wanted to make sure the message got through, you are not to talk to Bella," she said in a false innocent tone. I couldn't take it anymore. I turned in my seat, stood up, slapped her across the face, and started to walk up to my room.

"Don't touch my girlfriend," Jasper said in a deathly calm voice. He was already standing up. I knew he had an anger management problem, and I wanted to fight, so it wouldn't take much more to provoke him.

"Make me," I stated simply.

He threw the first punch. I felt the blood drip from my nose, and I smiled. I punched back and soon we were rolling on the floor kicking and punching while Esme shouted at us to stop. I felt a vice grip behind me, and saw Emmett trying to hold back Jasper as well.

"You selfish bitch!" I shouted at Alice. I saw Jasper try to lunge at me again, but Emmett held him back.

"Come on, Edward, we need to talk," Carlisle said behind me, pulling me backwards and leading me up the stairs. We got to my room on the third floor he shut the door and locked it behind him.

"Edward, what has been going lately?" he demanded from me. "You have been even more withdrawn since Winter Break started, and even then your behavior tonight is exceptionally unusual. You have never been a violent person Edward, what is happening?"

"Alice started being a bitch," I replied.

"Don't use that language with me, Edward," Carlisle reprimanded me. "This is about Bella, isn't it? I've heard about her, according to Alice, she is worse than you can be at times. I think she might be a bad influence on you, and if Chief Swan thinks you will be a bad influence on her, I'm going to have to agree. Edward you are no longer allowed to see Bella. I understand you have a class together, but that is it."

His speech hit me with a blow much like a wrecking ball. I couldn't see Bella anymore. That was taking away my love, my life, whether she knew it or not.

"Carlisle you can't-"

"Edward, you are my son, and I can. Charlie has forbidden Bella to contact you, so it shouldn't be that hard. And, in consequence of your actions at dinner, you're grounded. You can drive your Volvo to avoid conflict with your siblings, but when you get home you hand the keys over to Esme or me. No television, no computer, no extra curricular activities," he told me. I could just tell that he was thinking _not that you do any now. _

I swallowed back the remarks I want to spit at him and nodded. I'm sure my expression must have been deathly angry and rebellious, because he left the room with an intimidated look on his face. That gave me a slight satisfaction even in the events that occurred today.

I waited until his footsteps faded down the stairs to lift one of the cushions off of my couch. I grabbed a few of the items there, turned off my lights, and waited…

**

* * *

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Bella POV

I couldn't hang out with Edward. I wasn't even allowed to talk to him outside of Biology. He was the only friend I had here in Forks, the only friend I've had in nearly six years.

My eyes watered as I lay in bed. It was past midnight and my entire family was asleep. Edward's cell phone, which he had forgotten in my room this afternoon, lay on my nightstand. I was about to turn off my lamp when Edward's cell started vibrating on the table.

I picked it up and saw a number flash across the screen as well as the text that had been sent.

**Bella, it's me. Open your window.**

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A/N: Sorry for the evil cliffy! (Not really) I hope you guys liked the chapter.

**Don't forget to review and go to my profile to vote on my Amanda poll. **

**Again, sorry it's taken so long to update, but this is a good length chapter. I hope you enjoyed it.**

**REVIEW and GET A PREVIEW OF THE NEXT CHAPTER!!**

**With love, **

**-K.C.**


	5. Move Along

**Disclaimer: I own Twilight… (Stephenie hunts me down and bludgeons me with a copy of Eclipse. My gravestone reads **_**You shouldn't have lied on )**_** Ok, maybe I **_**don't**_** own Twilight.**

**Thank you for all of the 10 people who voted on my pole! You helped me figure out Amanda and I am very grateful.**

**I'm sorry it's been so long. This is sort of a filler chapter, but I still wanted it to be somewhat interesting, and it does have a lot of important information in it. Enjoy!**

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Edward POV

With any luck Bella hadn't turned my phone off, and hopefully she was still awake. Her lamp was still on, so she probably was. I sat down on the branch of the tree that was to the left of her window. I was going to wait ten minutes before I gave up, but hopefully I wouldn't have to.

Her light went off and I cursed under my breath, she was going to sleep. I was about to start climbing back down the tree when I heard the lock on her window switch. Bella slid her window up and leaned out.

"Edward, what the hell are you doing here?"

"For one, I wanted my cell phone back, and secondly I wanted to talk to you," I said as though it was the most simple thin in the world.

"Well get inside, it's raining!" she exclaimed.

I sighed in relief and climbed onto her window seat. I closed the window behind me carefully, so it didn't bang and wake up her parents.

"Edward, you're the only friend I have, I don't want to lose you."

"And you're the first friend I've had in years, I'm not backing down," I agreed.

Her face lit up, and even thought the room was nearly pitch black, I could see her smile. She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around me. It felt so right, her warm body pressed against mine. It took so much effort just to refrain from burring my face in her hair.

"What are we going to do?" she asked, stepping back and lying down on her bed. In the moonlight I could see what she was wearing.

She was wearing an indigo colored camisole with white polka-dots on it. It was tight at her bust, but flared out below them. She was wearing the same colored and patterned boy shorts. They were short shorts too. They ended only an inch below her petite ass. Her long, slender legs seemed even paler in the white moonlight.

When my mind had cleared enough to think of something other than Bella's body, I noticed the she was sitting up and patting the spot on her bed beside her.

I smiled and sat down a foot away from her. I longed so much to close the distance, but I wasn't going to loose my friendship with her because I was a teenage boy with a teenage boy's hormones.

"We can't see each other in public," she said, shaking her head in denial.

"I know," I agreed, "So we'll have to see each other in private."

A smile spread across her face, her white teeth shining in the pale light. I couldn't help but smile back, which caused her to blush.

"I think that's a good idea," she whispered. I nodded in complete agreement.

"I'm grounded too, so I can't take you to my… thinking place tomorrow," I told her regretfully.

"That's okay," Bella whispered, "I understand. And here," she turned to grab my cell phone off of her nightstand. She messed around with it for thirty seconds before snapping a photo of herself. "Is my number."

We smiled at each other for a few more moments before she handed me my phone, leaned over and hugged me. I felt her warm body press against mine, and I stopped breathing so I wouldn't smell her beautiful scent and lose control and kiss her.

"You need sleep, Edward," she whispered into my shoulder.

"Be safe," I told her as I climbed out her window and onto the tree. I regretted the fact that I would only ever be her friend, and as much as I longed for so much more, I knew it would never be.

**

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Bella POV

"Be safe," Edward said before turning around and slipping out the window. I watched until he was climbed down the tree and run off. I hoped he had parked his car somewhere down the street, and not just run the entire way.

I closed and locked the window before returning to my bed again. I was pulling the covers up around me when my cell phone buzzed. I sighed; I knew who it was right away.

**Sweet Dreams**

I turned off my cell and put my head back onto my pillow. Quickly, sleep overcame me.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

I woke up the next morning and decided I was going to humor my parents by doing- to their knowledge- exactly what they said to, but continue- to their knowledge- get worse.

I started this process with a quick shower. I wrapped my body in my black towel and walked back to my room. I found black fishnet tights and my blood red miniskirt. I wore a fitted black tee-shirt with a silver and red design on it. It looked like Chinese characters **(This is not meant to be offensive to Asians in any way. This is based off of my favorite shirt that no longer fits me)** and paint splatter. Long sleeve black fishnet extended from where the shirt sleeves ended to my wrists.

I went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth, washed my face, and dried and straightened my hair. I put a cream in it to make sure it didn't frizz. I put on a deep red lipstick and thick black eyeliner. I finished it off with a matt, pale, silver blush. I re-applied a clear gloss onto my nails before grabbing my backpack and heading downstairs. I was early, so Dad hadn't left yet. I was planning on that.

I sat down in the kitchen with a bowl of cereal.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" my Dad asked. I held in my smirk at the reaction I had gotten out of him and acted completely ignorant instead. "I told you that you couldn't see that bastard-" I flinched when he referred to my best friend as 'that bastard' "-so why are you dressing like you're trying to impress him?"

"This is how I dressed before Dad," I told him in complete monotone.

His face became a deep purple, but he knew I was right, so he almost had nothing to object to. Almost.

"Don't be a smart Alec with me, Isabella," he bellowed at me before turning and leaving for work. I finished my cereal in silence as Amanda and my mother moved around me without talking.

"I'm getting a ride with Alice," Amanda told me. She was smiling brightly, mockingly. She was allowed to hang out with her Cullen friend, and I wasn't.

But was allowed to hang out with my Masen friend, and that was good enough.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

The first half of the school day went by torturously slow. I noticed that Amanda was hanging out with a girl who never knew the answers. She was a blond, go figures **(No offense to blondes out there, I love you and it is a stupid stereotype, but Bella believes in it because she had never had a reason not to)**.

Finally we were dismissed to lunch. I walked slowly to the cafeteria, I didn't know where I was going to sit today, and I wasn't looking forward to trying to find a place.

I got to the cafeteria and walked to the back to get my lunch. I didn't look around on my way there. I bought a hamburger, a Pepsi, and a side of French fries. Slowly, I looked around for a place to sit. Edward and my table was empty. I looked around for him, but I didn't see him anywhere, so I sat down slowly and started to eat.

The entire time I was watching the lunchroom, looking for Edward at a table or buying his food. I couldn't find him at all. Lunch was lonely. I missed my friend and the conversations that we would have with each other, seeing how much we could find out about each other. I threw the remains of my lunch out and left the cafeteria earlier than usual today, heading for biology.

Edward wasn't in the classroom either. I sighed in disappointment and headed towards the back to our lab table. I took out my lab journal and started doodling on the cover. It was mainly skulls and blades of sorts, but I did draw the skyline on a castle with some mountains in the distance.

I heard it very well when the chair next to me was moved and someone sat down in it, but I didn't look over. I glanced up to see that most of the class was already there but that the teacher was not. I continued to ignore my best friend in the seat next to mine.

I couldn't ignore him very well however, because I started to smile sheepishly. At that Edward chuckled deeply, and turned away from me, probably smiling as well.

The bell rang and shortly after the teacher wheeled in an old television set and plugged it into the wall. He turned off the light and turned on the movie.

"You don't need to take notes, but I suggest that some of you do," he said, and started the movie without further instruction.

Edward and I tried to ignore each other, we really did, but it didn't work out very well. Every few minutes we would turn to look at the other, realize what we were doing and look away quickly. That was usually when one or the both of us started laughing.

When the movie was over, we parted our separate ways silently. I walked to gym in silence, as I always did. We were still playing volleyball.

I silently rejoiced each time I spike the ball into Lauren's head. She was this blond girl that was Amanda's other new 'BFF!' at Forks. I smirked when she complained about breaking a nail after she served the ball… into the net. This girl was seriously pathetic, then again, so was my lying, backstabbing, traitor, idiotic bitch of a sister.

Gym ended and I changed quickly. I headed out to the car, but like yesterday, Amanda and Alice were driving off without me. Not to mention, to day it was raining… hard.

I turned to look around the parking lot, it was a reflex reaction; I didn't expect to find help. My eyes met Edward's emerald green ones. They we filled with apologies. He knew he couldn't take me without us getting in trouble. I closed my eyes to calm myself and gave him a small nod. I gave a timid smile before shrugging my shoulders and starting to head home in the rain.

I knew that it would be a long walk, so I started humming different songs and tunes. Before long I was singing as I trudged through the rain. My cell in my pocket vibrated.

**I'm sorry Bella. Let me make it up to you. I'll take you to a place I know tonight. It's out of the way, nobody will find us.**

I smiled. Edward was so thoughtful. I texted him back.

**Ok, but ur not coming in thru my window. Im meeting u outside.**

I noticed that Edward didn't abbreviate his texts. I laughed slightly, either he didn't text a lot or he was stranger than I had originally thought. But with me, strange was a good thing. My cell was still in my hand when it vibrated.

**Midnight?**

**C u there. :)**

I smiled at my reason to continue walking home, instead of giving up, and went back to humming. Just like before, I was singing in no time.

_Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking  
When you fall everyone sins  
Another day and you've had your fill of sinking  
With the life held in your  
Hands are shaking cold  
These hands are meant to hold_

_Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong  
Move along, move along like I know you do  
And even when your hope is gone  
Move along, move along just to make it through  
Move along  
Move along_

_So a day when you've lost yourself completely  
Could be a night when your life ends  
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving  
All the pain held in your  
Hands are shaking cold  
Your hands are mine to hold_

_Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong  
Move along, move along like I know you do  
And even when your hope is gone  
Move along, move along just to make it through  
Move along  
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)_

I got to the driveway and headed up towards the porch. When I got inside, I heard Alice and Amanda talking in the kitchen, but I didn't see them. I didn't even look up. I jut headed towards my room and laid down on my bead.

_  
When everything is wrong we move along  
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)  
When everything is wrong, we move along  
Along, along, along_

_When all you got to keep is strong  
Move along, move along like I know you do  
And even when your hope is gone  
Move along, move along just to make it through_

_When all you got to keep is strong  
Move along, move along like I know you do  
And even when your hope is gone  
Move along, move along just to make it through_

_When all you got to keep is strong  
Move along, move along like I know you do  
And even when your hope is gone  
Move along, move along just to make it through_

My mind kept traveling to Edward. His face was already imprinted into my memory. I wondered what he had planned for tonight, and what Amanda and Alice had planned to make it even worse for us. I whispered the last part to myself as I got out my homework to occupy my mind until midnight.

_(Move along)  
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)  
Right back what is wrong  
We move along_

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

It was 11:25, and I was repainting my nails. Now they were silver with black tips. I applied the gloss coat and let them dry before I picked up this book I bought before we left L.A. The title is what first caught my attention: Kiss Me, Kill Me **(I've read the book and it's really good. I don't own it)**.

I was at the part where Dan takes Scarlett out onto the terrace when my cell vibrated. I looked at the time before checking my message. It was around 12:03. I flipped open my phone as I slid silently out of bed and grabbed my black coat.

**I'm outside under the tree by your mailbox**

I smiled that Edward was this willing to do all of this just for me. I mean were only friends. Good friends, yeah, but could we ever be more than that? I banished the thoughts from my mind before my tendency to over think things - that I thought I had gotten rid of in seventh grade- made me very confused. I stepped quietly down the stairs, slipped into my silver-beaded black flip flops and opened the door as quietly as I could.

**

* * *

**

Edward POV (Earlier in the evening)

I had already finished all of my homework for the weekend. I wasn't much in the mood to play or write compositions. I was in the mood to see Bella, but the time passed more quickly when I was busy.

I checked the clock again. I had skipped out on dinner. I didn't want a repeat of yesterday. I could here the casual chatter from downstairs, and the clinking of silverware and plates.

I needed to distract myself, so I sat down at my keyboard. I set it on grand piano placed my hands at middle-C, and closed my eyes. I let the music flow out of me, listening to each note and memorizing its order in the song.

But my mind was primarily on the angel that blessed me with her presence each day. I thought about her hair, the second most beautiful shade of brown, only surpassed by the deep brown of her eyes. The way her ivory skin, though pale, glowed every time she smiled, even though that wasn't often. But I didn't mind that, her face was well suited for smiling scowling, and smirking.

When I was done, I started writing them out. I played it again, the soft music sounding like a lullaby. Bella' Lullaby. I smiled as I played it again and again; it was beautiful, so it fit her perfectly.

"That's lovely Edward," Esme's soft voice said from behind me. I flinch that someone had come in here, but turned around and stood up, turning my keyboard off.

"Thank you. Did you need something?" I asked in monotone I didn't want to let my temper hit my voice; Esme was too kind to deserve what that would sound like.

"No, I just heard you playing. You know how I like to hear you play," She said, shrugging her shoulders. Her eyes changed, more emotion spilled into them. "Edward, you know I love you, and I just think that you need to… interact more with your siblings. Maybe last night wouldn't have happened." I didn't bother interrupting to say that last night was inevitable. "Just, ride out your punishment without fighting with your siblings, ok?"

I nodded, keeping my eyes cold. She smiled again, before leaving. She left the door open on her way out. When I went to close it I saw Alice giving me a threatening look from the stairs. What did I do now?

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

I ran to Bella's house. It was cold and windy, but for now at least the rain was holding out. By the time I got there it was a few minute past midnight. I texted her that I was outside as I caught my breath. I heard a faint click as she closed the front door and walked silently from her house to the mailbox.

I smiled as she approached.

"Hey," she greeted, a small smile playing at her lips.

"Hi Bella," I said, I was glad it was dark, cause my cheeks felt a bit warmer than usual. "Come on, I'll show you someplace special. It's not the place I was going to show you but I would need my car for that."

"Ok," she said simply as we headed off.

Her flip flops smacked the ground as I led her to a little abandoned park I had found when I ran away when I was fourteen. We walked in silence, but it wasn't awkward, just normal. I led her down the path that led to one of my favorite places to think. I heard her quick intake of breath as we rounded the corner.

**

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Bella POV

Edward paused to let me turn the corner first, and his little hideaway was amazing. It looked like an abandoned playground. The swing set had three sets of ropes hanging from the top, but there were only two actual eats left. To the left and behind the swings was a circular jungle gym that, although it wasn't rusted, looked old and worn out. To the far left was a set of monkey bars, its deep green paint was peeling off, revealing the metal frame.

"It's wonderful!" I told him, spinning around to see him with a handsome crooked grin on his face. "How did you find it?"

His face seemed for fall a bit, but he grabbed my hand and led me to the jungle gym in the back.

"I ran away from the Cullens three years ago, when I was 14," he paused then, to look up and gauge my reaction. I gave a small smile and nodded slightly so he went on. "I walked down the road, but I was afraid they would find me then, so I stumbled through the forest and found this place." He said, tapping the jungle gym before starting to climb it.

I kicked off my flip-flops and followed suit. I laughed as we made our way up. I had been laughing more lately, but it still sounded foreign. He laughed quietly along with me. We sat down on the top of it, laughing together in the middle of the night.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"What's your favorite gemstone?" he asked me, we were playing another game of twenty questions- but with unlimited questions.

"Garnet," I answered. "What about you?"

"Honey Zircon." He answered.

"That's a… an interesting choice. Care to explain?" I asked.

"Nope," he said popping the P. I let it go. "What's your favorite poem?" I thought about that for a moment before answered.

"Fire and Ice, by Robert Frost," I said, a small smile playing on my lips. I had memorized that poem in seventh grade.

"I'm not sure I know that," Edward said. I smiled more fully; I was going to show off a bit.

"_Some say the world will end in fire,_

_Some say in ice._

_From what I've tasted of desire_

_I hold with those who favor fire._

_But if I had to perish twice,_

_I think I know enough of hate_

_To ay that for destruction ice_

_Is also great_

_And would suffice._" **(Fire and Ice, by Robert Frost, I don't own it)**

"That's beautiful," he said. His eyes were glowing, even in the night.

"Edward, I think we should head back," I said. Part of it was because it was two in the morning; the other part was because I wasn't sure I was comfortable with the look in his eyes. He nodded and we slid off of the jungle gym.

We walked to my house in silence again. It was a bit more awkward then the way to the park, so I went over the things I had learned about Edward. He was born in Chicago; his parents died when he was six; His favorite sibling was Rosalie; he wanted to be in the army.

There was so much information that had to be processed. Finally we go to my house, and I turned to thank him.

"Thanks for the night," I said, all awkwardness gone.

"You're very welcome, Bella," he said, shrugging. In the moment I step forward and hugged him. He was a bit startled at first, but quickly hugged me back.

"Goodnight," I whispered when I was halfway across the lawn.

"Goodnight," he nodded back. I opened the door a he turned to leave. I crept up to my room, careful to keep my flip-flops from snapping on the stairs.

As I changed into my pajamas and quietly brushed my teeth, I thought about what had happened. I realized that maybe… maybe I did like Edward Masen more than a friend.

**

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Rosalie POV

I woke up in the middle of the night, around three-o-clock. I heard some noise from downstairs and I was a bit creeped out, so I slowly crept down the stairs. What I saw was nearly comical.

Edward was trying to get through a window, but the window bar only let it open nine inches. I ran over and took the bar down as Edward tumbled inside.

"What were you doing, Edward?" I asked. When he didn't answer, I was a bit confused. I turned to close the window, and when I turned back, he was halfway to the stairs.

"Edward, what's wrong?" I asked. Obviously if he was entering through a window at this hour something was up. He turned around and looked at me, staring into my eyes.

"Bella… I don't know exactly how to explain it but…"

"But what Edward? Let me know what's wrong."

Edward has been acting strange lately, and I wasn't sure why. He has always been… withdrawn, but he won't even talk to me anymore. If it's that bitches fault I swear.

I corrected myself before I could start hating the girl that he probably liked more than a friend. Carlisle is the one who grounded him, and honestly, Alice provoked him, so I guess it wasn't _all _her fault.

"I think I might love her," he whispered. He was looking down as if he was ashamed, and his pale white cheeks looked more peach colored. He was blushing. I would just have to make sure that she didn't hurt him now that his feelings for her were so strong.

And I _would _make sure she never hurt him.

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**A/N: I need to know what you guys like or don't like, so please tell me in a REVIEW. **

**Some stories get like 50 reviews by the first chapter, and mine might not be as good as those, but I need to know that some people are actually reading an enjoying this story.**

**Review and tell me what you think, they help me write faster.**


	6. Numb

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Sorry it's been so long, I've been on vacation and school starts again soon, which means I've had to shop for supplies and clothes. Onto the story...

**Disclaimer: Me no own. (It's pretty elf-explanatory) **

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Alice POV (I know you probably hate her, but just wait and see what she has to say)

Edward wasn't listening to me. Again. Of course this was to be expected; we hadn't gotten along since he started acting all emo. Although I suppose it isn't really an act so much as just who he became: who he is. I had a bad feeling about it then, and as soon as I heard that there were going to be new students- twin girls our age- that feeling grew.

I warned Edward once we heard that they were coming, but he didn't listen at all. He said that I should stop meddling. Obviously I didn't miss the look in his eyes when he saw the girl in the restaurant. The other girl was wearing an L.A. Eureka High School cheer jacket. I heard the girls talking, and the first was Isabella while the second was Amanda. I put two and two together; he liked the shorter twin- Isabella- and she appeared to be emo as well. I knew that wasn't going to work, but the nail in the coffin was the dream I had had that night.

_000000000 __**Flashback**__ 000000000_

_Esme poked her head into my peach colored room. _

"_Time for Jasper to head back to his room; school starts up again tomorrow," she said before heading back out._

_We went and brushed our teeth together before he kissed me goodnight and left for his room. I changed into my pajamas- in this case a light green sheer nightgown that ended mid thigh. I slipped under my light pink covers and slipped into unconsciousness._

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

They were on his car, a boy and a girl: Edward and Isabella. They were talking, and I couldn't hear what was being said, but I could feel it when something went wrong. I could feel the pain seeping slowly through Edward with each word she said.

She started to walk away, towards where I was watching from. He ran to catch her, and she turned around slapping him. I heard the venom in her voice as she told him "Don't touch me, Cullen. I don't know you."

I watched as she walked past me, and then I turned back to Edward. He started to drive away and calm washed over him. The terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach increased as everything went black.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

_I woke up in a cold sweat, knowing that I couldn't let Edward get close to Bella._

_000000000 __**End Flashback**__ 000000000_

I befriended Amanda, which was hard considering she couldn't even hold an intelligent conversation with me. I got Edward grounded to he wouldn't have his car, nor could he see Bella, but the odd feeling never really went away.

I felt bad about leaving Isabella- Bella, a she liked to be called- in the rain so many times, and I was appalled that her sister even suggested it. It wasn't that hard for me to act, and this was pushing it; she seemed like she was really nice.

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Bella POV

Edward and I texted almost non-stop for the rest of the weekend. It made me happier to know that someone cared about me. Yes, we were only friends but that's more than I've ever had.

At some points, though, it felt as though we were flirting over the phone, but I dismissed each of those thoughts quickly so they wouldn't distract me from the fact that I had a friend and I was going to ruin it.

When Monday came around I found one of my lighter grey short sleeve shirts under my only pink article of clothing, a tube top. I grabbed a black zip-up hoodie to wear over it. I slipped on some blue jeans and walked down to breakfast actually _humming_ Linkin' Park.

I drove Amanda to school in silence. Well, silence to each other; she was on the phone with Lauren the entire time. I headed through my day in a blur, and before I knew it I was figuring out what to do for lunch. I had told Edward that if he gets there first, he should take the seat, so I had to find somewhere else to sit.

"Can I sit here?" I asked a girl with layered brown hair. She was sitting at a small table with a girl with dirty blonde hair and a boy with light brown hair.

"Sure," she said, smiling genuinely. "I'm Angela, and this is Katie and my boyfriend, Ben. You're Isabella, right?"

"Bella," I said, sitting down.

"Are you close with your sister?" she asked. I almost laughed, but I just shook my head. "Good, because no offense but she kind of mean to me," she admitted.

"Don't worry; she's mean to me too." I shrugged it off; I didn't want their pity.

We spent the rest of lunch talking and eating. Katie had a crush on Eric Yorkie- I have no idea who he even is- but is a year younger than him. When he said 'hi' she blushed lightly and smiled back. Angel and Ben were perfect for each other.

Even though it was very enjoyable, I missed talking to Edward. I'm not sure, but I think Angela noticed the secret looks we shared. Thankfully, she was either not interested or too polite to ask me about that. I don't think she noticed the fearful look I got from Alice or the look of hatred Rosalie gave me. I didn't understand what I could possibly be doing to deserve those.

Angela was a truly kind person, and I found out that we shared biology next period. I walked with her to the classroom. Edward was already in his seat, and he didn't look up- then again I didn't expect him to.

"Hello Edward," Angela said to be polite. He nodded his head, but didn't say anything. "Bella, did you want to do something after school today?" She asked.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Edward frown. I could tell that he had something planned for this afternoon, and it saddened me to see him unhappy- but I knew how to bring a smile back onto his lips.

"Thank you for inviting me Angela, but I'm busy," I told her. As I suspected, Edward sighed with relief beside me. Angela looked a bit suspicious, but left without another word. The bell rang then, and Mr. Banner rolled in the TV monitor and turned off the lights.

Edward and I quietly moved our chairs closer together in the back row. I leaned my head onto his shoulder and he whispered into my ear.

"If you don't mind, I'll be stealing you away this afternoon."

I turned my head to his neck, my lips just below his ear. I found myself enjoying the scent from his hair. It was sweet, like cinnamon and vanilla, but still bold because of the way it resembled the spices one would find going into a pumpkin pie. When I realized what I was doing and regained my composure.

"I don't mind at all," I whispered.

I few minutes later I felt his hand on my knee. I smiled, and before I could stop myself, kissed his shoulder. I froze, looking at him as he turned to face me. I'm sure that even in the dark, he could see my blush.

"We can finish that later if you want," he whispered. I kissed his shoulder again as an affirmative. He smiled and turned back to the movie, but I felt his thumb tracing circles on my leg through my jeans. I smiled against his shoulder and turned back to the movie as well.

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I started to walk home after school, Edward said he would call or text me. I got to the car and waited for Amanda to get there, but before she did, Edward's sister, Alice, came up to me.

She was short- a little over five feet tall-, but _really_ skinny. Her black hair went just past her shoulders where it curled a bit at the end. She was wearing a pink top with red straps and a red bow in the middle of her neckline. Her blue eyes were surprisingly bright, and they contrasted greatly with her top and hair.

"Look, Bella, I know that you're not as bad as your sister says you are, and I know that you aren't really bad at all," she looked at me with pleading eyes, "but please, _please, _stay away from my brother." I stood there shocked as she walked away without another word.

Amanda passed me silently and got into the car. I drove home thinking about many things at once. One of them was Alice Cullen's behavior, one was my new friend- Angela- and one was my feelings for Edward.

I could tell now that no matter how much I tried to repress them, I had feelings for Edward. But, I didn't _want _to suppress them. I wanted to kiss his soft, pink lips. And I wanted him to kiss back.

My thoughts were interrupted as I pulled into m driveway and Amanda slammed the car door on the way out. I sighed, not surprised by the lack of a 'thank you' for me driving her home. I grabbed my bag, but nearly dropped it again when a silver car pulled up rather quickly next to me. Upon further inspection, I realized it was Edward's Volvo; So much for texting me.

I opened the door and jumped in. He was already peeling out of the driveway when I had the door closed and seatbelt buckled. He was looking straight ahead at the road, but he was smiling widely. He turned to look at me, still smiling, and I noticed that his smiled was lopsided a bit, crooked. It only made him more beautiful.

"Where are you taking me?" I asked him. We were heading away from town, the outskirts of Forks. Houses came less and less often, getting bigger and bigger as well.

"I'm taking you to the Cullen's home," he told me, turning to me to smile again. "Well, not to my _home,_ per say, but to their property." I nodded, although I didn't completely understand.

"Won't your parents be home? I mean…" I trailed off, unsure of how to continue. Edward looked almost angry, as he drove. I noticed as his hands gripped the steering wheel more tightly and his jaw set.

"Well, we can just hide you. Besides," he spat the word, but his next phrase was emotionless. "They aren't my parents."

I wasn't sure what to say, but he turned on the radio, cutting the silence. He played with the stations before resting on one.

"...by Linkin' Park, now on 102.5- Seattle's best mixes," the announcer said before familiar music started playing. I sang along softly.

_I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface  
Don't know what you're expecting of me  
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)_I got a little bit louder now for the chorus. I kept my eyes away from Edward; I didn't want to see his reaction if it was negative. I wrote songs, but I didn't know if I was really any good at singing.

_I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
Become so tired so much more aware  
I'm becoming this all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you_Edward started to sing with me, his deeper voice easily finding a harmony with my softer, lighter one. His singing voice was just as lovely as his conversational voice: velvet and smooth.

_Can't you see that you're smothering me  
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control  
Cause everything that you thought I would be  
Has fallen apart right in front of you  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)  
And every second I waste is more than I can take  
_

_I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
Become so tired so much more aware  
I'm becoming this all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you_

_I looked over at Edward as I sang, surprised to see him smiling down at me. I felt my cheeks as they grew warmer and undeniably redder._

_And I know  
I may end up failing too  
But I know  
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you_

_I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
Become so tired so much more aware  
I'm becoming this all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you_

_Edward turned off the road and onto a gravel driveway. It was more like another street though, because it twisted and turned for miles through the trees._

_I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
I'm tired of being what you want me to be _

_We sat in silence for a few seconds before the first few chords of the next song started to play, but by then we were in a large garage with at least three other cars. Edward held a finger to his lips to signal me to be quiet and got out of the car. As he walked away he signaled for me to stay._

_He opened the door into the house and walked inside a few steps. He threw his keys inside and I heard them clank against each other in midair._

_"I'm going for a walk," he said in an emotionless voice._

_"Ok, be back in time for supper," a sickly sweet voice said from inside. Edward turned around and walked casually outside again. He came around to my side and opened my door. I marveled at the muscles in his arms and chest as they moved beneath his tight black My Chemical Romance tee-shirt. I smiled at him and got out as quietly as I could._

_He grabbed my hand and led me out of the garage. Then he quickly picked me up in his arms and bolted across his yard and into the trees. I gasped against his chest, inhaling and immediately calming at his sweet scent. I smiled against his chest as he slowed down and walked into a small clearing: a meadow._

_"I found this place a while back when I was searching for a place where I could be uninterrupted by my... siblings," he said as he sat down on the slightly damp grass._

_I sat down next to him resting my hand on his shoulder so I wouldn't fall flat on my butt. When I was seated he took my hand off his shoulder. At first I was a bit put out; I thought he might have feelings for me; not that steadying myself against him was a romantic gesture. Then, when he brought my palm to his lips, my worries disappeared. I put my other hand on his shoulder, and he took it as well and kissed it. After a short deliberation, I leaned my head onto his shoulder._

_As I expected him to, he took my face in his hands, turning sideways and leaning in. Our lips met and one of his hands went the back of my neck, securing my face to his as our lips met, molding perfectly together. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling myself closer to him. Somehow I ended up sitting in his lap, our lips still moving together._

_I pulled away for air, breathing heavily, but Edward's lips never left my skin. They moved down to my jaw, then back to just below my ear. He moved them down again, so they were over my neck, where he softly nipped at my skin. I gasped n response, and he pulled back immediately._

_"I'm sorry, I… I shouldn't have done that. Sorry," he said, and he sounded truly remorseful. He was probably surprised that he wanted to do that with me at all._

_"It's okay," I said, the disappointment was probably thick in my voice. "I should probably be getting home," I said, realizing that I should have been home almost forty five minutes ago._

_"Oh, yeah. I guess you're right." I got up out of his lap and started walking towards his house._

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Rosalie POV

I knew Edward brought that girl home. He was later then the rest of us, and we all know how much he likes to speed. I think Alice may have suspected it too, but she was too much of a goody-two-shoes to say anything- or do anything- about it.

"Esme, I'm going to go for a drive," I shouted as I saw Edward and Bella run out of the forest and into the garage. I walked inside and heard Bella gasp and Edward swear.

I held up my keys. "I thought I would give her a ride home," I said. Edward sighed in relief and nodded. They hugged awkwardly and said 'bye' to one another, and then Bella got into my car.

"Thanks," Bella said from besides me as I pulled out.

"We need to talk," I told her, skipping over the small talk. She didn't look confused like I thought she would.

"You think I'm bad for Edward," she murmured.

She's not as stupid as I thought, but it wasn't completely right either.

Of course I didn't want another emo person hanging out with Edward. What if they decided to cut each other or made a suicide pact. But I also knew that Edward thought he loved her, 'thought' being the operative word. He couldn't possibly be in love, not when he barely knew the girl. He was just being a hormonal teenage guy who thought she was hot- and she was hot- and was getting tired of his virginity.

"Yes, and I want you to stay away from my brother." Her eyes started to fill with tears. "I'm severing the tie before it get to the point where it would hurt to sever it"

"bu-" I cut her off.

"You have a week until I do it for you, and I won't spare any of his feelings," I told her coldly. The last part was a lie, but I wanted to make sure she did it quickly. I pulled into her driveway and she opened the car door and got out.

As she looked back to close the door, there was only one thing to see in her otherwise emotionally numb eyes: why?

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**A/N: Hey guys!! I hoped you liked this chapter, even though its shorter. **

**Did you like Alice's POV? Should I do Edward's POV again? Any ideas for plot twists and such? Just REVIEW and tell me.**

**Reviews encourage me and remind me to write, so you should click that little blue button!! You really should. Especially because school starts again (and volleyball!!) and I can't write as much, and reviews remind me that people actually read this!! PLEASE REVIEW!! **

**With love,**

**K.C.**

**p.s - please dont review with 'breaking dawn sucked, did u read it?' or 'YESYESYES breaking dawn' that doesnt help me write.**


	7. Nobody's Home

**Sorry it's been so long. I've been working on getting this chapter just right.**

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Edward POV

Bella had been distant all week now. We hadn't seen each other outside of school since that day in the meadow- since our first kiss.

Tuesday is what worried me the most. Not only was lunch… interesting because Alice and Amanda decided- for reasons they never told me- to sit with me at lunch. I constantly found myself moving my chair to the right and Amanda moved closer to my left. Why does she still like me? Does Alice still want to set me up with her?

Biology is why I was worried. The lights were off and the end of the video was playing. My hand was on her knee again, just like Monday, but she wasn't leaning on my shoulder. About two minutes in- when I started rubbing my thumb in circles on her leg- she grimaced. I stopped soon after. We didn't talk the rest of the class. On Wednesday when I asked her what was wrong, she shrugged and said that it wasn't important.

Each night I had arguments in my head, yelling at myself for kissing her when she so obviously did want it. But she hadn't objected then, why would she object now. Then again, why would she want to like me- love me- in the first place. Still, I didn't want to lose her. I don't know what I would do if I lost her.

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"Hey Edward?" Bella asked me in class on Thursday. We had finished our worksheet and had ten minutes left in class while the other groups finished as well.

I was immediately relieved that she was talking to me again, but her voice was off. She sounded so timid and unsure. I gave her a small smile in relief, but her returning smile was fake. I pretended not to notice.

"Yes Bella?"

"Um, can you drive me home today?" she asked. Her words seemed forced, and it was obvious that she didn't want me to drive her. I pretended not to notice again and nodded at her.

I spent my last period at school worrying of what would happen. She would probably tell me that she didn't feel the same way; that she only wanted to be friends. I told myself over and over again that I could live with that, but I knew how much I truly wanted her- needed her.

After school I walked slowly to my car and Bella was already there, fidgeting nervously. She was probably afraid to hurt my feelings. I went around my car to her side and opened the door for her. The expression on her face killed my inside. There was a definite hint of annoyance in her grimace. I walked around to my side and started driving to her house. I went more slowly than usual, giving her time to gain her thoughts before I dropped her off. When we were around the corner from her house she told me to stop.

"So nobody sees you," she explained. I pulled a quick U-turn and stopped to the side of the road. I got out to open her door. She stopped by my trunk and sat down on it, motioning for me to follow. I took a deep breath this was it.

I looked at Bella, taking in her expression and her clothes; how beautiful she was. She was wearing a blood hoodie with a darker blue logo and dark wash blue jeans. The blue made her pale skin look paler, and brought out her deep chocolate eyes. Her brown hair was straightened and her face an emotionless mask.

She started talking after taking a deep breath. Her voice was true and clear, "Edward, I can't- I won't- do this anymore. I don't have feelings for you." I knew this was coming, so my answer was already composed.

"I know you don't Bella, but I'm ok with just being your friend," I told her, my voice was strong too, surprisingly smooth.

"No, Edward." She said, her voice was harsh, uncaring. "I don't want to be your friend. I just needed someone to help bridge me into Forks. Now that I've made friends, true friends, I don't want anything to do with you." Her eyes were hard, she was telling the truth.

I felt like my heart stopped beating. She had been using me. She hadn't even felt a thing. Not when we passed notes in class, or when I brought her to the park. She hadn't felt a thing in our kiss.

Our kiss. It had been the single most passionate thing I had ever done with someone in my life. I had- for once- felt like everything could work out. Like maybe I could find a way to be on good terms with Alice and the rest of my family. That maybe I could succeed in something. That maybe, I could be content. Perhaps even happy.

"I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not," She told me. Her eyes weren't cold and emotionless anymore. She was sorry. That was something at least. I could live if she didn't hate me.

I felt my heart hold on to any strain of hope. Maybe I could convince her she didn't need to do this. Maybe it didn't have to be this way.

"Bella," he breathed. My hope and pain- even in one, quiet word- was horribly concealed

"Edward, it's not like we had anything. Just go on with your life and I'll go on with mine. It will be like it never existed," she replied simply. **(A/N: Sound familiar…? Sorry, I had to put that in, continue now…)** She hopped off of the back of my car and started walking away.

I jumped off to follow her, grabbing her wrist as she made her way towards her house.

She spun around and raised her free hand to smack me across the face. It stung my cheek, which would be red for a while, and perhaps even bruised tomorrow.

"Don't touch me, Cullen. I don't know you," she spat before turning around and heading back towards her house.

Those words hurt more than the slap. She called me Cullen.

_Cullen._

She knew I preferred Masen, she just didn't care. To her, last week and this week had already never happened- never existed. She said she didn't know me, but I had never been so close to someone in my life. For a moment, I contemplated suicide. My life was over if she didn't want to be in it.

But I couldn't do that. Even if they annoyed me to no end, and even if they were disappointed with me, it would still devastate Esme and Carlisle. But it wasn't like they could help my situation either.

So for now, I was alone. I had no one. Just like eleven years ago in Chicago.

My entire family had been invited the wedding of the daughter of the man that owned the law firm my father works at. My parents said that I wouldn't have any fun, because there wouldn't be anyone there my age, so I stayed home. Our neighbor, Kayla, a 22 year old who had moved in just before she started college had come to babysit that night.

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_Kayla woke me up when she picked me up out of my bed. Her eyes were pink and puffy._

"_What's wong, Kayla?" I asked her as she put me arms in my coat and put my feet in my light-up Superman shoes._

"_We have to go to the hospital," she said after sniffing once. She grabbed my mom's keys from a rack by the door and brought me out to my mom's car. She put me in the back and buckled me into my booster seat. I contented myself through the fifteen minute ride by playing with my Superman action figure. When she parked she got me out of the back seat and carried me inside._

"_I need to see Elizabeth and Edward Masen," she told someone. My face was hidden in her golden brown hair, so I couldn't see who._

"_Are you a family member?" asked the person. I could tell it was a woman now._

"_No, but he is," she said, repositioning my on her hip to make it more comfortable for her. "He's their only family."_

"_Oh," she said. "She's in room 416 in the I.C.U."_

"_What about Edward Senior?" Kayla asked the woman._

"_His T.O.D. was 10:27," the woman said in a regretful voice. I didn't understand that until later. _

"_Oh! Oh… well, thank you," Kayla said before heading towards the ICU on the fourth flour._

"_Can we see Daddy first?" I asked her. She let out a sob and shook her head._

"_Let's see Mommy first, okay, Eddie?" she asked, smiling weakly. I nodded my head and she put me down, still holding my hand._

_We walked out of the elevator as it dinged and walked down the hall until Kayla stopped. I stopped with her. I looked inside the room and saw Mommy sleeping on the bed._

"_Mommy!" I shouted, but she didn't wake up. I frowned and turned around to ask Kayla, but she was talking to an old man in a white robe. _

_I couldn't hear most of their whispered conversation, but I couldn't understand any of it anyway. I heard words like 'comatose', 'transfusion', and 'dialysis'. The last word he said was "Her condition is most likely terminal."_

_Then the machine next to my Mommy started beeping really fast and then stopped all together. Kayla pulled me back. The old man started shouting and then took pressed square handle things into her chest three times. Then the old man turned the machine off. _

_After half an hour another woman came to take me away from Kayla, who was crying silently. _

"_Bye Eddie. I'll see you when you come to pick up your stuff, ok?"_

_The woman told me that I wouldn't see my Mommy and Daddy for a long time because they were dead, but that when I died I would see them again._

_When I went back to my house Kayla hugged me good bye. She told me something that I have always remembered; she was the only person I knew who called me that._

"_I'm going to miss you, Eddie."_

**(Before you start the flames consider that I spent half an hour searching the web for a plausible terminal illness they both could have had and died from, because that would have been closer to influenza. However, the only things I could find were staff infections and such, which can be terminal, but can also be easily treated with antibiotics. So, I moved on to other C.O.D.s. Also, I'm sorry that was melodramatic.)**

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Nobody since Kayla has called me Eddie. Other than my siblings, but after the first time, I told them not to. Nobody wants to be reminded of things that happened the night your parents died in a car accident.

The memory hit me with a force I hadn't anticipated and combined with the events of today I was completely overwhelmed. A loud sob racked my body and I fell forward onto my knees, clutching my head and crying.

I don't know how long I cried there, thinking about how my life had gone to pieces now, or a long time ago and I only just realized it. When I started raining- my tears mixing with the falling water, soaking through my shirt- I got back in my car and drove home.

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Bella POV- Going back a few minutes

"Bella," he sighed. I almost told him right there that I loved him, that every word I had just said was a lie- and probably the most convincing and untrue one I had ever told. I wished to tell him that I would never leave his side… but I couldn't. So I kept lying.

"Edward, it's not like we had anything. Just go on with your life and I'll go on with mine. It will be like it never happened," I told him. The look in his eyes, the way they were shining with tear and still sharp with pain. I had to get away, I was a coward. I couldn't stand up to Rosalie, and I could barely stand up to him. I didn't deserve him anyway. I jumped off his car and walked away.

I felt him grab my wrist and turn me to him. I had to end this now; before I would lose it and break down in tears myself. I did the first thing to mind, and slapped in across the face as hard as I could. My hand stung but I ignored it. It did the job, he let go of my wrist.

"Don't touch me, Cullen. I don't know you," she spat before turning around and heading back towards her house. That did it, and he didn't follow. It was a blow below the belt, but it had to be done, and of course, I felt even worse about it now.

I walked into my house, slamming the door and throwing my backpack to the ground. I ran up to my room and shut the door quietly, locking it, and then slamming my fist against it.

I didn't even make it to my bed.

I collapsed onto the floor in uncontrollable sobs. I had just lost my best friend here. But it hurt even more, and I knew why.

I was crying for him more than for me. I had hurt him, after all he's been put through in life I have caused him just as much pain as everyone else. I didn't deserve him, especially now.

And Rosalie. Why did she care so much if I went out with her brother? I know I could be looked at as a bad influence, but I think that would be better than me breaking his heart. And me breaking my own.

But Edward couldn't know that I still had feelings for him. I needed to get over it, get over him. Or at least act like it. My cell buzzed in my pocket. I picked up, even though I didn't know the number.

"Hey Bella, do you want to go down to La Push this week end? We were going to head over to First Beach."

"Alice?"

**

* * *

**

Alice POV

I couldn't take it anymore, I decided that somehow I could simultaneously be friends with both Swans, and I hoped they would be okay with it as well.

"Alice?" Bella asked. She sounded completely confused and her breathing was a bit heavy, like she had been crying before I called. I decided to make sure she was alright first; I felt horrible already for the ways I had treated her because of her sister.

"Yeah, I feel so bad about how I've treated you. I can set you up with someone if you would like?" It ended up sounding like a question.

"Umm, okay," she answered, sniffing.

"Is something wrong? Is it anything I can help with?" I asked. I so wanted to make it up with her.

"Well I… I mean, I don't really know if I can trust you," she admitted. Her voice broke twice.

"Please let me help," I begged her. I started doodling 'I 3 Jasper' in pink highlighter on my post-it note pad.

"Can I tell you tomorrow at lunch?" Bella's voice was so soft I barely heard it.

"Of course you can. We can sit alone and talk as we eat, ok?"

"Okay," she said in a weak voice. "Bye."

"Bye Bella."

Bella didn't sound okay at all. I was worried; she and Edward were close, whether I liked it or not. If Bella was that sad, Edward would be sad to.

But I didn't have that nagging feel feeling, so it couldn't have happened yet. She must have been crying for some other reason, because I would have felt it if she had broken up with him.

Would I have?

The phone rang before I could continue to doubt myself. I checked the screen; it was Edward. I picked up quickly.

**

* * *

**

Edward POV

I called Alice on my cell phone. I needed a distraction.

"You said there was a cute girl you wanted me to meet."

My mind was in turmoil. Part of it was screaming for me to stop. It was yelling at me for betraying Bella and for trying to move on while I still loved her. Another part was trying to overtake the yelling part by repeating over and over again: She used you, she doesn't love you, she doesn't care.

I was going to have a major headache.

"Actually… no," she said hesitantly.

"No?"

"Yeah, the cute girl's a real bitch. Cute girl is Amanda; she just thought _you_ were cute."

"Oh," I let out a sigh as I turned into the driveway. "I'll be home in a few minutes." She had still wanted to set me up with Amanda after all. Would she ever understand?

"Ok, bye Edward," she sounded reluctant, but she hung up the phone anyway.

I continued to drive down the long narrow path leading up to the house. It took a few minutes shorter than usual because I was driving exceptionally fast. I needed to clear my head and get home so I could talk to Rosalie and figure things out.

I parked in the garage and walked inside. I went to the fridge to grab a piece of left over pizza and I put it in the microwave. While I waited for it to finish, Esme walked into the kitchen and I tossed her my keys. When she saw my face, she did a double take. The microwave beeped behind me.

"Oh, Edward, what's wrong?" she asked. I turned to get my pizza from the microwave and caught a glimpse of myself on the stainless steel pans hanging from the rack.

I looked like a mess. My eyes were red a swollen, and my hair was wet and disheveled more than usual, but it looked gaunt on my face. One side of which was unusually pale, while the side B- _she _hit was still bright red. The edges were already tinged blue.

"Nothing," I told her, grabbing my pizza and walking upstairs to my bedroom. I sat down on my couch, not bothering to turn on my music; I wasn't in the mood for it. I was just finishing my pizza when Rose came in.

"Fuck off," I told her. I would talk to her later, not now.

"Why Edward, what happened?" she asked.

"Bella," I said. I took a calming breath, but it didn't stop a tear from rolling down my check.

She looked alarmed, almost panicky, and I could hear the false note in her voice as she said, "I'm so sorry, Edward."

"Just leave, ok, Rose? I don't want to talk about the person who used me just half an hour after she admitted it."

She nodded and left, and I could tell that although she was happy about me and Bella not talking, she was a bit worried about something else.

Not even five minutes later, Alice interrupted my thoughts. At least she knocked this time.

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah, you can come in," I told her in a monotone. I didn't mean to, but it was the only way I could make myself talk right now. She opened the door slowly and closed it quietly before walking over to sit next to me.

"What's wrong Edward? I know you think I'm a bitch," I nodded and 'mmhmm'-ed, but she chose to ignore that, "but I really want you to trust me enough to talk to me- like you did when you came here." The look in her eyes was pleading, but there was something else as well: fear perhaps, maybe worry. Then I remembered what we talked about when I was twelve.

I knew I was right, I could see it now, clear and true, in her eyes.

"You're having visions again," I stated. It wasn't a question. Alice nodded.

"I never stopped."

I took a deep breath. I was trying to calm myself without success.

"So you know… you know everything?"

"Everything and then something you don't want to know," she admitted. I could tell in her eyes that it was something bad, about me… and _her._

"Bella," I sighed, she nodded. "She was just using me, you know?" her eyes widened in disbelief. She hated Bella, why would she be so surprised. "She told me today, and then she just walked away."

"She told you… _today?_" she asked. I nodded, my eyes were watering again and my jaw was locked in a grimace. "_Shit!_ Edward, I have to go." She stood up quickly and started walking away. For the second time today I was grabbing the wrist of a girl who was walking away from me.

Alice gave a quick and loud scream- almost like a yelp- before trying to tug her wrist back.

"No, Alice! Tell me what you saw, God Damn it!"

"Edward, I can't. I told you that you didn't want to hear it," the look in her eyes was pitiful. I was almost afraid to know what it meant.

"Let her go, Edward," Jasper demanded from the third floor landing. He was practically growling with anger. He walked over to Alice as I let go, and he started massaging her wrist where it was probably now bruised.

"It's okay, Jazz, it wasn't his fault," Alice whispered to him.

"Like hell it wasn't," he muttered, but for the most part he let it go; on their way downstairs he gave me a warning look.

**

* * *

**

Alice POV- later that night

Jasper was in my room again, _kissing_ me goodnight. My iPod was playing softly the background. He noticed that I wasn't as into it as usual, that my mind was somewhere else.

"What's wrong Alice?" he asked in a low voice. "Is it that Edward is still bothering you? I'll make him stop," he growled. The song changed and the opening chords of _Nobody's Home _played through the room.

"No, it's not Edward; it's _me,_" I admitted.

**(Vision, **_lyrics)_

_I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,  
She felt it everyday.  
_

**Bella was getting out of her car. She walked out across the gravel. She was smiling, but her eyes were off.**

_And I couldn't help her,  
I just watched her make the same mistakes again.  
_

**Edward was watching her from his car. Leaning against his door.**

_  
What's wrong, what's wrong now?  
Too many, too many problems.  
_

**He saw her walk over to someone, but I couldn't focus on her, only Edward's reaction for now. His emotionless face and hard eyes remained blank for another second, before distorting in pain. He turned around and got in his car, slamming her car door.**

_Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.  
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.  
It's where she lies, broken inside.  
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.  
Broken inside.  
_

**My mind traveled to Bella, where her arms were wrapped around a boy's neck. Her lips pressed and moved against his as his right arm wrapped around her waist and his left hand held her face to his.**

_  
Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.  
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.  
_

**Edward took a last look, only to see her tugging at his shirt before pulling him towards the beach. He drove away as quickly as he could tears pushing out of his eyes. He banged his fist against the wheel, speeding up and turning down the street.**

_Be strong, be strong now.  
Too many, too many problems.  
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.  
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.  
It's where she lies, broken inside.  
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.  
Broken inside._

Her feelings she hides.  
Her dreams she can't find.  
She's losing her mind.  
She's fallen behind.  
She can't find her place.  
She's losing her faith.  
She's fallen from grace.  
She's all over the place.  
Yeah, oh

**Bella pushed away from the boy as he tried to pull off her shirt. She was shaking her head and shouting before walking angrily back to her car.**

_  
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.  
It's where she lies, broken inside.  
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.  
Broken inside.  
_

**She drove and drove, arriving at a large white mansion. People came out to greet her- Jasper, myself, Emmett- tears streaming down our shaking faces.**

_  
She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh...  
_

**She dropped to her knees, her body shaking with sobs and tears streaming relentlessly down her face.**

_She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh..._

Edward's bad feeling returned, even worse than before.

"Why do you have that song on your iPod? It sounds like something Edward would listen to; it's depressing."

I didn't want to talk about it.

**

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**

A/N: For those of you who aren't obsessed with crime and medical shows, C.O.D. stands for Cause Of Death, I.C.U. stands for Intensive Care Unit, and T.O.D. stands for Time Of Death.

I put some APOV in there because some people liked it, and because I can foreshadow and make it more suspensful!! Cue evil laughter.

Please Review and tell me what you like and don't like, even flames help! Review equals a cookie!!

.:KC:.

**Also, Kayla is my little cousin. I love her to death! She's like a mini me!**


	8. Sweet and Low

****

One: I kno I havent updated in a LONG time, but school sucks and homework takes AT LEAST two hours on most days

Two: Don't kill me, but this is only a half chapter. I really wanted to update for y'all, so sry that this is all you get, but its something, right?

Onto the story!!

I DO NOT OWN TWILGHT!!

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Bella POV

I woke up on Friday, grateful but surprised that my sleep had been a dreamless one. I dressed quickly, throwing on a long sleeved dark blue and purple striped tunic and black leggings.

I brushed my hair into a high ponytail and quickly washed my face and brushed my teeth. Each circle I made with my brush seemed to be screaming at me, yelling '_Edward! Edward!'_ Each time as splashed my face with water, I was bombarded with '_why'_s and '_take him back'_s. It was giving me a headache, so I ran downstairs to grab something to eat.

Fruit. All I could find was fruit, but I couldn't eat it. Edward had given me fruit.

I grabbed a granola bar and ate it on my way upstairs. Back in my bathroom I applied plum eyeliner and a purple eye shadow. I put on a light pink lip gloss and grabbed my backpack before running back down the stairs.

I was surprised that I hadn't run into Amanda this morning, but when I got outside I knew why. Our car was gone; she had already left.

"It's karma, I tell you. You shouldn't have done that to Edward. Now Amanda has left you behind," I told myself. I started walking down the street, working to keep myself from breaking down crying. I couldn't hurt Edward more by showing my weakness; not now nor ever.

The rain was not relentless today, only a light drizzle.

I tried to ignore the tears that filled my eyes as I passed a shiny, silver Volvo I passed on my way there.

I waited and waited for class to start; seconds seemed like hours in my impatience for the day to be over, even though it was only beginning.

English dragged by, but slowly the day sped up. Seconds sped and minutes passed. I felt like I was merely passing through the morning, not truly living it. I imagined that a zombie might feel similarly.

And then I was in the lunch line behind Angela, realizing that the morning had gone much too quickly and that in less than an hour I would be sitting next to Edward. I wasn't sure how I would do it, how I would ignore him. Was it possible for someone to pretend to hate the person you loved, who may or may not love you back? And if he did, wouldn't that make it easier. But it he didn't, it would break your heart.

"Are you okay?" Angela asked, noticing my distraction.

"Actually, I'm feeling a bit sick. I'll only get some lemonade today," I told her, purchasing a bottle and walking with her to sit down at her table.

"Ooh. Do you think you'll be feeling better later?" she asked. Her voice held both genuine curiosity and care, but also something hidden. Something she wanted to surprise me with.

"Probably…?" I answered. It sounded more like a question, which was partially true. I _was _unsure.

"Good, because I was hoping we could head down to La Push. I want to introduce you to this guy I know," she said, smiling shyly. I almost broke down right then. Could I truly move on so immediately?

I knew my answer: No.

"That sounds wonderful Angela!"

**

* * *

**

Edward POV

I didn't eat anything at lunch today; I wasn't hungry. I couldn't be hungry. Who could merely think about food when their soul is so hungry for something else? Mine hungered for passion and companionship. My soul longed for Bella, something that I could not have. For now, I would satisfy myself with the fact that she is happy. For now that would have to do.

I got up and left for biology early. Maybe I could ask to switch seats. I knew I wouldn't however, because I wouldn't move my seat farther away from Bella for anything. She might not want to have anything to do with me, but maybe I could change her mind, maybe she could rethink yesterday.

I visible shuddered as I remembered yesterday, but I kept walking. Maybe one day I could hold Bella's hand as we walked… yes, maybe one day… I allowed myself to be brought away from this world in thoughts of Bella.

I imagined the future we could have had. She would look so beautiful in a long white wedding gown. I was still a teenage boy, so of course I pondered on a possible honeymoon. We could have had the most beautiful children. Bella would have been a good mother- a wonderful mother.

However that would never be. Bella didn't love me as I loved her. Of course that would be hard considering how much I cared for her, even if I wish I could move on-

I was snapped from my reverie as the bell rang shrilly. Bella was already sitting next to me, her notebook and pen out, ready to take notes.

She looked so sexy there, her teeth softly chewing on her pen cap. Her soft, pink lips curve down at the corners. I wished I could lean over and kiss her frown away. I knew I couldn't, however, because my kiss would only deepen her frown.

I drew in a ragged breath and tried to distract myself. I concentrated on the cracks in the ceiling and on the splotches of blue and gray on the tile. Slowly my mind wondered to subject I normally ignored, subjects that gave me headaches.

I thought about death. Well, not death exactly but concepts like death. Everything I knew had a start and an end: lives of people around me, books, songs, movies. But when did time start, and when does it end? How far does forever go? What about infinity? If I were to reach the edge of the universe, or space and time itself, what is in the abyss after it? Or is it like a wall or box? But then, what is on the other side.

And then I thought about death. My earliest memories were practically still lives. They were of a swing set in a park that had no name. One was of a brown horse I can't find pictures of. I couldn't remember when I started existing, and what came before that, so how was I supposed to imagine what came after?

Heaven or hell? Reincarnation? I knew that if it was heaven, I would end up with Bella. But then, what about her? If I got to be with her when I was dead, would she be unwillingly stuck with me? I wouldn't do that to Bella, would I?

The bell rang, interrupting my thoughts and pulling me from my reverie. I drew another ragged breath before gathering my books. Bella was already out of the classroom. I walked slowly to Spanish, wishing I could disappear. My wish wasn't granted.

I sat down next to Emmett in Spanish. For some convoluted reason the teacher thought that Emmett and I, being brothers, should sit next to each other. He didn't acknowledge me, and I didn't acknowledge him.

Instead I focused on the conversation Ben Cheney and Ian Johnson were having behind me.

"Yeah, Angela is bringing Bella with us to introduce her to Jacob," Ben told him.

"First beach?" Ian asked.

"Yeah, Jacob's pretty excited. He hasn't had a girl in a while." I could hear the laugh in Ben's voice before the bell drowned it out. Only one more hour until I would be free. Of course, then I would have to distract myself for the rest of the weekend.

**

* * *

**

Bella POV

Biology had been torture. Sitting next to Edward, I wasn't sure what was worse. Was I afraid I was causing Edward pain, or was I afraid that he was moving on? I couldn't concentrate during class, so I just chewed on my pen cap.

Nearing the end of the hour, Edward started to shift unconsciously in his seat. I was making him uncomfortable. He didn't want to be here, or at least didn't want _me_ to be here. The idea pained me, even though I knew that he _should_ move on. Traitor tear fell from my eyes and I quickly wiped them away. Thankfully the bell rang and a practically ran out of the classroom. I sped straight past gym and decided to skip today.

In the safety of my car I allowed myself to completely break down. Tears streamed down my face at the thought of Edward not wanting me, at the thought of him moving on. I could see him standing next to Amanda in my mind, laughing at their perfect baby girl as he rubbed his hand softly over her large stomach, kissing her gently.

_Ugh, NO! Stop thinking about that Bella. He is moving on, so now you need to as well._

After a few more calming breaths I pulled out of the parking lot and sped towards my house, I needed time to get ready so I could look good and 'move on' with this guy Angela was setting me up with.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

First I straightened my hair, putting in some cream to keep it soft and silky. _God I sound like my sister, _I thought, shaking my head. Then I reapplied my eyes-shadow and put on some deep plum eyeliner.

I searched through my closest for a blue and purple Coach bag I never thought I'd use. I threw some extra makeup and my cell phone into and grabbed my raincoat as I left the house just in time to meet Angela at her car.

Her radio was turned up to a song I didn't recognize.

"Hey," I said, buckling my seatbelt. I looked back in the car. "Where's Ben?"

"He's taking his own car and meeting us there," she said, turning down the music a bit. "Thanks for coming tonight, Bella. I _totally_ owe Jacob, and he said that if I could find him a nice date, he would let it slide, and I really think you will like him."

I nodded blankly, staring out into the rain. We sat in a slightly awkward silence for the rest of the ride. I watched the trees passed and the raindrops fall. In one stretch particularly straight road I could have sworn I saw Edward's silver Volvo.

But that was just wish fulfillment, and it wasn't going to happen.

**

* * *

**

Edward POV

I followed Angela's truck to First Beach, staying just out of sight in case Bella saw me. I knew I was stalking her by a legal definition, but I didn't have anything else to do: Bella is my life, and will continue to be even if she is oblivious to that fact.

She got out of the car and smiled as Angela took her hand and pulled her to where Ben was standing with a tall and muscular Native American boy. He wasn't a boy though. Even from my distance I could tell he was more than a boy. His black cut-off shorts revealed muscular calves and his muscles could be seen through his white shirt. He was tall too, taller than I was. His black hair hung around his chin. **(Before y'all yell at me, Jacob needed to be older for my story, so he is 17 as well. He isn't as tall as he was as a werewolf because my story is all human. Jacob is not a big part of my story for now, but know that ANY of my stories will EVER!! Be BxJ.)**

He turned to see Bella when Ben turned to see Angela. His eyes lit up and I nearly growled with disgust. His thoughts were clear in his eyes; _damn. I'd tap that. _Bella didn't seem to notice. She walked forward and shook his hand, before being pulled into a quick and friendly hugged.

But I could tell he wanted more so much more.It made me so angry that anyone else would think that about Bella. Half of the time I was disgusted with myself.

They talked a bit more and headed down to the beach. I followed them for an hour before I found myself bored with watching the… disgusting, filthy... _mutt_ trying to figure out how to get Bella in bed.

Slowly, I headed back to my car and headed home.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Esme, Alice, Jasper, and Rosalie were waiting for me when I got home. Alice looked relieved, and she slumped back into Jasper's arms with a happy sigh. Rosalie's sigh was frustrated, she muttered "I told you so" and went upstairs.

Jasper's eyes were hard; he still hadn't forgiven me. It was Esme, whoever, who I was currently most afraid of. Her usually kind face was livid; flushed with anger.

"Edward! School has been out for three hours! Where have you been? Did you completely forget that you are grounded?" she shouted, finally pausing to catch her breath and give me time to answer.

Actually, I hadn't thought about my grounding at all. _Shit!_ I decided to stay silent; I wasn't sure which answer was better at this point. She, realizing my cop-out, raised her eyebrow.

Slowly, I nodded my head.

She sighed, and nodded her head, slowly holding out her hand for my keys. I handed them to her and she closed her palm around them. She pointed to the stairs and said "I'll talk to you later" before allowing me to pass.

I walked upstairs to my room, trying to keep the sob inside me from breaking out. I arrived at my room and closed the door slowly, before turning around and pounding my fists onto my bed.

Finally, I sunk to the ground and leaned against my couch. I didn't want the Cullens to hear the sobs that were coming from me, so I turned on my stereo system and tried to get lost in the music.

_Anywhere you go, anyone you meet  
Remember that your eyes can be your enemies  
I said hell is so close, and heavens out of reach,  
But I ain't giving up quite yet,  
I've got too much to lose, _

"There's still hope," whispered. "There's still hope."

Hold me down, sweet and low little girl  
Hold me down, sweet and low and I will carry you home,  
Hold me down, sweet and low little girl  
Hold me down, and I'll carry you home,

"There's still hope."

_  
The rain is gonna fall, the sun is gonna shine  
The wind is gonna blow, the waters gonna rise  
She said, when that day comes look into my eyes  
But no ones giving up quite yet, we've got too much to lose,_"There has to be hope."

_Hold me down, sweet and low little girl  
Hold me down, sweet and low and I will carry you home,  
Hold me down, sweet and low little girl,  
Hold me down,_

And I'll carry you all the way  
When you say you're fine  
But you're still young and out of line,  
When all I need's to turn around  
To make it last, to make it count,  
I ain't gonna make the same mistakes  
That put my mama in her grave  
I don't wanna be alone

_Hold me down, sweet and low little girl  
Hold me down, sweet and low and I will carry you home,  
Hold me down, sweet and low little girl  
Hold me down, and I'll carry you home_

I repeated the words like a mantra, keeping me sane.

"There's still hope."

**I feel really bad that the cookie I gave you didn't make it to this chapter, sry!! But if I was gonna update today, it was gonna have to go to the next chapter.**

**You kno the drill: Reviews remind me that I need to keep writing, so REVIEW!!**

**I feel so bad for our little couple, but the climax of the first conflict in the story is in the next chapter, so GET READY!!**

**Love y'all and sorry for not updating very quickly,**

**-K.C.**


	9. Hear Me

**AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!! Im SOOOOO sorry I haven't updated in so long. School+volleyball+boyfriend is a very busy combo! So here it is, sorry its not very long, but my chapters WILL be getting shorter if I'm trying to keep them a bit more frequent. **

**I DONT OWN!! and no we begin...**

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* * *

**

Bella POV

Angela turned onto the road as we drove away from La Push, and more importantly, Jacob. He had been nice to me, but he was constantly flirting with me and the innuendo was getting on my nerves. I know that I wanted to move on, but he was making it really hard.

"Thanks for the ride Angela," I told her as she pulled up to my house.

"No problem. I know Jacob was glad to meet you," she said with a wink.

I almost gagged, but smiled back at her before turning around to go inside. Walking up the stairs I felt empty. I was pretending to be someone I wasn't, and that someone was the kind of person I had never wanted to be.

I took a deep breath and decided I would try to take cleansing shower. First, I picked out my outfit for the next day; I would be going to the beach with Jacob, and I was going to try my damn hardest to have a good time. I wanted to get everything over with so I didn't have to worry about it after my shower and ruin my calm.

I picked out a deep purple halter top bikini- not that it was going to be warm enough to wear it. I grabbed a grey tank top and some dark wash skinny jeans. I grabbed a towel and rushed to the bathroom.

I turned the water as hot as it would go and stepped in. The water burnt my skin, but I didn't flinch away from it; I was masochistic enough to enjoy it. I washed my hair slowly and rinsed it out, letting the suds roll down my skin. I put in some conditioner and let it sink in as I shaved. I rinsed it out and turned off the water.

As I stepped out of the shower, I was immediately bombarded with cold air. I drew the towel close to me and walked quickly down the hall to my bedroom. I dropped my towel onto the floor before darting across my room into my bed. I curled the sheets and covers around me.

I breathed in and out, making my body an empty shell. I breathed in again, flooding myself with determination. I _would _enjoy my time tomorrow. I _would_ forget. I breathed out again, willing my thoughts to leave with that breath, and I fell into unconsciousness.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

I woke up the next morning, but it was only five o clock. I groaned and rolled over, but I knew that sleep would evade me. I ended up just laying in bed for another twenty minutes before I got up and got dressed.

I brushed my hair back into an overly-preppy high ponytail that was just nice enough to look like I actually cared what I looked like. I brushed my teeth and thought about the day. I would be having fun with Jacob and forgetting about Edward, it was very simple. I sighed and walked downstairs quietly, I still had hours until I was meeting Jacob. I was still pretty tired, so I went to the kitchen to grab my favorite miracle fruit for breakfast: kiwi. I cut the fruit and ate it slowly, savoring the sweet and tart taste as well as the complex texture. **(A/N: kiwi is a miracle fruit, seriously. It completely wakes me up so I'm never tired anymore when I go to school. There has to be some natural caffeine or SOMETHING in it, 'because it ROCKS!! Back to the really depressing story…)**

I figured it was late enough to leave without feeling strange, so I grabbed my keys and a breakfast bar for the road before walking out of the house. I turned on Amanda and my truck and pulled out of the driveway. I sped away from my house as quickly as I could, before slowing down so I wouldn't get to First Beach too early.

As I drove, I convince myself further that I would be the person Jacob expected, instead of the person I was just a few short days ago, even though it felt like forever. When I got to La Push I drove around for a while. I appreciated the emerald of the pine needles and ferns until they reminded me of Edward's eyes. I was grateful for the way the grey skies still managed to look empty until they reminded me of what my own eyes sometimes looked like.

Finally I pulled up at First Beach, where Jacob was already waiting. A smile lit up his face, and I contorted my cheeks to match his as I stepped out of my car.

"Hey Jake!" I said with a fake elation in my voice.

"Hey Bells," he said, stepping forward to encase me in a close hug. I flinched, but wrapped my arms around his shoulders.

"You know I like you, right?" he asked shyly. I bit my lip and nodded. He must have thought I bit my lip to hide a smile, because he leaned forward then, and put his lips over mine.

**

* * *

**

Jacob POV

**(Didn't see that one coming either, did you? lol)**

I leaned down and kissed her on her pouty, succulent lips. They were so soft. After a few seconds, she started kissing back. God, Bells is hot. Her petite little arms made their way around my neck. Now she was on her tip toes just to kiss me. I licked against her lips, which she parted quickly to allow me to explore her mouth.

I wrapped my arm around her waist, pulling her closer to me so I could feel her tits against my chest. I heard a car door slam in the distance and looked up, the same silver car that had been parked at the beach when Bells, Angela, and Ben came here was speeding away.

Bella started to giggle shyly and pulled me away by my shirt. She shook her head. God, she looked sexy. I hoped she brought a skimpy bikini.

I reached at her shirt again, gliding my fingers across the smooth skin of her flat stomach.

She backed away again, shaking her head more.

"Come on baby, why not?"

"Because I have ideals, and I am not your _baby_!" she said, backing away from me. She turned around and started walking briskly away_. Bitch! Although her hips are so hot when they sway like that. _

**

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Bella POV

I was trying to enjoy myself in his kiss. His lips were dominant against mine; they didn't care about pushing my limits. I felt his tongue against my lips and I gasped quietly. His warm tongue pressed into my mouth. _Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself, _I told myself.

I started pulling away at his shirt to get him off me, but he took it as an advance. Who the fuck did he think I was? Maybe I was acting a bit _too _well. I laughed at that and backed away and shook my head. He kept pulling at my shirt though, and I shook my head again, but he didn't seem to get it.

"Come on baby, why not?" he pleaded.

I raised my eyes in disbelief. He was one of the thickest skulled, idiotic, perverted men that I had ever met. I had kissed him once, how was I his baby?

"Because I have ideals, and I am not your _baby_!" I turned around and ran to my car. I slammed the car door and felt a tear streak down my face.

I knew that I was alone right then, and I knew that I had to leave. I revved up the engine of the van and pulled away from first beach. I wiped away the tears and kept driving. The rain started after a while, but it was all the same to me, I sped up.

I pulled over when I started to feel a bit hungry. I turned on my phone to see if I could get a signal to find out where I was.

My phone had five missed alerts. I checked the clock. I had only been gone four hours, not long enough to be truly missed, unless I was going to be grounded, but it wasn't my home number.

It started vibrating in my hand, I recognized the number this time, but I didn't want to talk to her right now. I let it vibrate for a few more seconds before she left a message.

I sighed and started driving slowly back; it would take at least another two hours to get home, at least some time to think. However, something was nagging at me, and it wouldn't stop. Something was wrong.

I decided to listen to the message she had left.

_Bella, I know you don't want to talk to me right now, but Edward is missing. He's been gone since this morning, and I have a really, _really_, bad feeling about this. So, if he's with you, could you please just call me back and tell me? And, Bella… I know about Rosalie, and I know that you didn't want to, if that's any consolation. Bye._

My heart was beating at ninety miles an hour. Edward was missing. _Edward_ was _missing!_

I slammed my foot down on the pedal and accelerated down the street I had come from, hoping that I hadn't forgotten any turns.

I hit redial, calling Alice back.

"Alice?" I breathed when the other line picked up.

"Oh, God Bella," Alice breathed.

"He's not here, I'm sorry."

"I knew he wouldn't be," she laughed bitterly.

"Excuse me?" I asked. How could she have known?

"Bella… I promise I will explain it to you, everything, but right now you need to get to my house, please," she begged.

"Why?"

"Because I know that right now Edward hates himself and hates the world… And I know that it's a matter of hours before he acts so that he isn't a part of this world anymore."

"No," I gasped, shaking my head in denial. The van swerved on the road, but I straightened it out. "I'll get there as soon as I can."

I tried to breathe; in and out, in and out. Did Edward like me so much that, without that feeling reciprocated, he found no interest in this world any longer? But then, it was Sunday, and I had left him days ago. Why had he waited so long?

I wiped my eyes with my wrist and sniffled. It couldn't have been me; something more recent must have set it off. My heart gave a strange stutter that couldn't have been healthy. I felt relieved, I wasn't the reason he was killing himself.

And then I felt the guilt. How could I say that? If it was my fault at least I would be able to save him. I drove the rest of the way to the Cullen's house in an absent state of mind. I was numb.

I followed the winding path down to the large white house. I must have been going at least twenty miles an hour, and a few tree branches paid the price.

I got out of the car, and the boys I recognized from when Edward described them: Emmett and Jasper. Their faces were morose and tears shined on their cheeks. Alice rushed past them, tears rolling down her neck as well.

"No, Alice, no," I gasped, dropping to my knees.

"He hasn't been home since five-o-clock. That's more than enough time…" her lower lip was quivering.

"I thought you… hated him," I said, my voice breaking as my shoulders began to shake.

"No, no," she said, shaking her head. She was kneeling with me by then, her arms around my shoulders. "Just misunderstood him," she admitted. "We all did."

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Alice and I sat there crying for a few more minutes before Rosalie came running out of the house blaming everything on me. Emmett held her back, and to my surprise, Jasper defended me and was able to calm her down.

Jasper helped Alice and I up and we went inside. She offered me something to eat or drink, but I couldn't eat right now, and I could tell it was forced.

Esme and Carlisle were already at the police station trying to get a search party organized to look for his car and to search the forest areas by their homes. Emmett and Rosalie had already left to search because Rosalie "wasn't going to sit around like the crying bitch that had started at all". I couldn't agree more, but I couldn't get over the shock, and I doubted there was anything I could do.

We tried calling Edward's cell phone a few more times, but it always went straight to a beep; there was no greeting.

_You gotta be out there  
You gotta be somewhere  
Wherever you are  
I'm waiting  
'Cause there are these nights when  
I sing myself to sleep  
And I'm hopin' my dreams  
Bring you close to me  
Are you listening?_

Hear me  
I'm cryin' out  
I'm ready now  
Turn my world upside down  
Find me  
I'm lost inside the crowd  
It's getting loud  
I need you to see  
I'm screaming for you to please  
Hear me  
Hear me

Hear me  
Can you hear me?  
Hear me

I used to be scared of  
Letting someone in  
But it gets so lonely  
Being on my own  
No one to talk to  
And no one to hold me  
I'm not always strong  
Oh, I need you here  
Are you listening?

Hear me  
I'm cryin' out  
I'm ready now  
Turn my world upside down  
Find me  
I'm lost inside the crowd  
It's getting loud  
I need you to see  
I'm screaming for you to please  
Hear me

I'm restless and wild  
I fall, but I try  
I need someone to understand  
Can you hear me?  
I'm lost in my thoughts  
And baby I've fought  
For all that I've got  
Can you hear me?

Hear me  
I'm cryin' out  
I'm ready now  
Turn my world upside down  
Find me  
I'm lost inside the crowd  
It's getting loud  
I need you to see  
I'm screaming for you to please  
Hear me  
Hear me  
Hear me  
Hear me  
Can you hear me?  
Hear me  
Hear me  
Hear me  
Can you hear me?  
Oh, oh, oh, oh...  
Hear me  
Hear me  
Hear me  


We never did get that greeting.

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**A/N: Dont hate me for the short chappy and the cliffy. But please DO review. It reminds me to write, so get to it and hit that purple button!!**

**Love, **

**K.C.**

**V**


	10. Silence

**My authors note will be at the end because I know you want to read.**

**Disclaimer: I DONT OWN!!!**

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Bella POV

At around eight-o-clock my phone started vibrating. Alice and I ran for it as if it would melt into the table if we couldn't get there fast enough.

"Hello?" I breathed into the phone. _Please Edward, just answer. Just answer damn it!_

"Isabella Maria Swan, where the hell are you?" My heart fell, and the breath I hadn't realized I was holding left my lungs. The hope that I had been trying to repress had engulfed me anyway, and I was left with any empty feeling.

"I've been at Alice's house," I squeaked out.

"Alice Cullen? Who's parents were at the station when I left reporting Edward missing?" his voice was rising with his anger, and I tried to remain calm so I wouldn't yell back as him.

"Yes," I whispered.

"Well you need to get home, now!"

"Why, Dad?" I asked, anger getting the better of me. "Alice and I are… supporting each other."

"Isabella…" he sighed; apparently he was trying to keep his cool too. "_Why the hell do you need comforting? _I told you I didn't want you seeing Edward. He probably just ran away. He's a bad influence on you, I told you that once already. Now get home."

"Fine, give me twenty minutes, it's a long drive." _No, you fucking bastard of a father! _I wanted to scream so badly.

"Fine," he said mocking me, and hung up without saying goodbye.

I turned to Alice; she already had my keys for me.

"You have to go," she sighed. "I'll call you with any news." New tears were already streaming down her face, and she was biting her lip to keep from crying.

I nodded and took my keys.

"Thank you," I whispered before I stumbled out the door. Once the van was out of range of the house, I kicked up the speed. When I hit the road the needle edged towards seventy, and was past 85 in a matter of seconds. I was heading away.

Away from Forks and away from my family.

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Edward POV

"_Bella," I sighed, content with her in my arms. The world around us stood still; it let us be._

_I was leaning against a tree at the edge of our meadow. My legs were spread just enough so that Bella could lean back onto my chest when she sat there._

_I leaned forward to press my lips to her hair, our eyes connected, and she sighed and push off of me. Our contact ended, and I felt empty._

_She started walking across the meadow, and into the shadows of the trees. _

"_Bella?" I followed after her quickly, I wouldn't lose her again._

_A voice echoed through the trees. I recognized it as mine, even though I had made no attempt to speak._

"_You… don't…want me?"_

"_No."_

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

I woke up in a cold sweat and checked my alarm clock, but I couldn't open my eyes. My eyelashes were stuck together from when I fell asleep crying. That hadn't happened in years.

I got up and walked through my room with my arms out to keep from bumping into things. I found my way to my bathrooms and splashed water on my face, rubbing on my eyes. Slowly I was able to open my eyes. The bathroom was still dark; I hadn't bothered to turn it on when I came in.

I walked back into my room and squinted at my clock across the room.

4:07

I had gotten about five hours of sleep.

And my dreams… my dreams… They started out wonderful, but halfway through them, they became nightmares. Only nightmares didn't happen in real life, but Bella had left me here too.

I drew in a ragged breath and stood up to get ready. I opened the door to my closet, and the moonlight that filtered through my room left my closet full of colorless outlines. I fingered through them, feeling for a dark grey button up polo. It was easy to find, most of my short sleeved shirts didn't have a collar. I grabbed it off the hanger and pulled it over my head. Walking further into my closet, I opened my boxer drawer to the right and pulled out a pair. I slipped off the flannel pants I had slept in and threw them into the laundry chute before pulling on whatever pair of boxers I had grabbed. I grabbed a pair of jeans and pulled them on as I walked out of the closet.

I buttoned them and looked up at the clock again.

4:10

I sighed, my dream still haunting me. I still had the empty feeling in me. I still felt alone. Bella said she didn't want me, so why couldn't I stop being masochistic and just believe it?

I went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth. I didn't bother checking the clock before grabbing my shoes and a pair of socks and treading carefully down the stairs. At the second story, and turned to check that nobody was up. The doors were all closed and the lights were all off, so I turned and continued downstairs.

I got downstairs and started to search for my keys. I found them almost immediately in a small wicker bowl of trinkets and key chains that was kept on the counter just inside the door from my garage. Esme trusted people too much, and I felt a bit guilty for betraying that trust, but the larger part of me just couldn't care anymore.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

For a few minutes I just drove, trying to clear my head before I made my way through the winding streets to Bella's house. I kept the radio off, it wasn't worth listening to. Music meant nothing to me now.

It was still only five-o-clock, but when I drove by Bella's house, her bedroom light was on. I drove a bit more and stopped, getting out so that I could walk back to Bella's house. I broke into a jog, getting to her house quickly.

I didn't understand why she would be up so early this morning, at least, that's what I kept telling myself. In reality, the corners of my mind knew why, but I didn't want to acknowledge how excited she must be- how she must have gotten up hours ahead of time to make sure she looked perfect for him.

But she looked perfect everyday; she didn't need to be like every other self obsessed girl on the planet. That's what she had become, though. I took just a few days to change everything about her.

_Then why do you still love her?_

I thought about it then.

_She's so beautiful, so purely good, even now._

My inner self laughed.

_But she doesn't love you._

_She _has _to,_ I retorted. My inner self laughed again, a dark nefarious sounding chuckle.

_When she proves to you she doesn't, then what will you do?_

I answered the question without thinking, because it didn't take thinking for me to know what I would do if my love truly was unrequited, and I was once again truly alone.

_Then you can do with me what you want to._

I had arrived at Bella's house by now, and I climbed up the tree by her window. She wasn't in her bedroom- her light was off now, the light in the kitchen downstairs now on- but I checked the window, and it was open. I slipped inside, but closed the black curtains and stayed sitting on the window seat, breathing in her beautiful scent.

I stayed there a few more minutes when I heard footsteps downstairs, and jumped back outside into the tree. I heard the door slam and watched as she walked to her car. She was wearing a grey tank top and skinny jeans, the straps of her dark purple bikini were tied behind her neck- they were only barely visible because her hair long, mahogany hair was pulled up into a pony tail at the top of her head.

I watched her drive away quickly, almost as if she knew I was here and wanted to get away as quickly as possible.

_Why would you think that?_

_Because, you know she doesn't love you!_

I pushed my alter egos out of my mind and made my way back to my car. Judging by the swim suit, Bella was definitely going back to First Beach today. I drove down the winding roads, quickly catching up to Bella, but staying just out of her sight. I knew the woods much better that she, and I knew when I had to speed up or slow down around an upcoming bend.

She was driving aimlessly through the woods at this point. We had been driving around the outskirts of La Push for nearly forty five minutes. Finally, she started to make her way down to the beach. I pulled over to the side of the road and got out. I got out and leaned against my car, voices warring in my head.

I watched as she got out of the car and hugged him. I looked down at my feet.

_She doesn't love you, and she never did,_ my mind mocked me.

I argued back, _You don't-_

I stopped when I looked back up. I was frozen in place for a split second before the realization hit me. I winced the tears away and got back in my car. I probably shut the door more forcefully than I needed to, but I didn't care. I looked up one last time, instantly regretting it.

I peeled away from the curb, but the image of Bella's lips on his imprinted in my mind. I couldn't blink away her hand creeping under his shirt. I wiped the tears out of my eyes and the car swerved dangerously, my mind didn't register the danger, it wasn't in control anymore. Only one thing was running through it.

_You have to keep your promise._

**

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Bella POV

I kept driving until my car ran out of gas. I had seen a ranger station a few miles back, but I didn't want to return, so I grabbed a flashlight, turned to the forest and started walking.

I walked for a long time, but I couldn't tell you anything about my journey. I was in a completely absent state of mind; I wasn't thinking, only walking. The sky above the trees was beginning to get lighter.

_Have I really been walking for this long?_ I asked myself.

I collapsed on the ground; I was tired, so tired. I started crying, tears rolling down my face. I was close to sleep when I heard something thud in the forest.

My head snapped up.

"Who's there?" I asked. My voice was raspy and dry with dehydration. I pulled myself up and walked further into the forest. There was a clearing ahead. I walked through the trees and squinted in the light of the new morning.

The clearing was big, at least the size of a baseball field. The grass growing here was tall and wild: up to just about my ankle. On the far side of the clearing was a wall of stone. I almost thought I was dreaming then, because there was a figure slumped over on the far side of the meadow.

I would recognize that color of hair anywhere.

**(Know that I considered stopping here, but I decided to be nice 'cause I haven't updated in a while. Sorry about that)**

"Edward," I breathed. I walked over slowly, _why is he in the middle of nowhere too?_

As I approached, I saw why he was slumped. He had a shard of stone by his left wrist, the trickle of blood flowing from it, the splatter on the cliff face, and the larger trickle flowing from his head.

"No, Edward. No!" I breathed; it became a wail at end. Tears were flowing down my face and the stress of the last few weeks came crashing down on me.

He couldn't be dead, not because of me.

Without thinking I grabbed the shard and plunged it into my own wrist.

The smell of blood made me sick, my senses became dull. My eyes, tired from lack of sleep, wooziness, and loss of blood, closed.

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

Edward's face was the last thing I saw.

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**A/N: I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sorry for not updating sooner. I have so much crap going on in my life it is not even funny, plus i was distracted by my birthday, woohoo! **

**Notice that this chapter doesnt have a song, it IS on purpose. Music to me/them is life. They don't have that anymore... or do they?**

**The more you review, the more I will write because when I log onto my computer its like a reminder: WRITE CHAPTER 11. I will try to update more quickly because of Thanksgiving weekend, but I want to give you guys quality chapters, not shitty ones, so it takes longer.**

**PLEASE REVIEW!! IT REALLY ENCOURAGES ME!! IF YOU KNOW WHERE THEY ARE I WILL GIVE YOU A PREVIEW OF THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!  
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	11. Goodbye 'I'm Sorry' 'song, not AN'

**Disclaimer: I don't own Goodbye (I'm Sorry), House, or Twilight :(**

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Alice POV

_The fog extended over the entire peninsula. I could see the ocean and rivers as they twisted and turned through the green landscape A flash of brown, grey and yellow. The fog condensed now, and I was in a clearing. There was a large stone cliff behind me, and forest in front of me and to both my sides. Looking around again I tried to identify _something_. But there was only the cliff to tell me where I was. At the foot of the cliff I noticed something I hadn't before._

_Two people lay next to each other, both of their hearts beating weakly. One was getting stronger, and slowly the boy opened his eyes. I couldn't make out his face. He looked at the girl next to him- at the blood dripping from her wrist. _

"_No!" he breathes in disbelief, "No, what are you doing here? Why…? NO!" he sobbed quietly, "Not over me."_

"_I'm so sorry," he whispered to her, regret and sadness thick in his voice._

_He picked up the stone shard from her hands and continued the cut on his own wrist; He screamed out in pain, but his eyes looked relieved. As he sliced his other wrist, his heartbeat slowed again, slower than the girls. _

_It stopped after a few minutes._

_Their faces became clearer, arising from fog as the girl's heartbeat slowed further. When both hearts were no longer beating I could see their faces._

_They were both pale from death. They were both tragically beautiful. But that was not the worst part. _

_I recognized both faces._

"Alice, what's wrong? You're freaking out right now." Jasper asked me, he was shaking my shoulders softly.

"Jasper, get the car, Edward and Bella are in trouble."

"Shit, not again," he muttered under his breath. He stood up with a frustrated sigh and grabbed the keys to Emmett's jeep. "Where are we going this time?" he asked.

"I'm not sure, but its north, no, northwest," I told him as he drove down our winding driveway. "Did you guys ever go camping by a cliff face, somewhere, I think I might have seen a building too."

"A cliff… hmm. Yeah, actually," he said before making a sharp turn that slammed me against my seatbelt. "We used to camp northwest of the Hoh Ranger Station somewhere. Alice, what is actually going on? I love you, but I would really appreciate some answers at this point." He said before pulling another hairpin turn. "Start with Isa- Start with Bella."

So I explained it all to him. I told him about how I was completely judgmental when I first saw Bella; how I thought she would be a bad influence on Edward, so I became friends with her sister to try to keep her and Edward apart. I provoked him so he wouldn't be able to see her because he was grounded. I told him how by the time I figured out that Amanda was a bitch and Bella wasn't that bad it was too late, and she had already broken his heart. I was hesitant to tell him why we were speeding through the forest.

"I saw them," I sighed. "I don't just have good feelings and presentments, I have visions. I'm sorry I've lied to you," I looked down in embarrassment; I had never told Jasper about my visions, "I thought you would think I was a freak." I didn't give him a chance to react to what I told him.

"I saw them kill themselves because they thought the other was dead; it was like Romeo and Juliet, but worse, so much worse."

We pulled to a sudden stop. I looked up as I jerked against the seatbelt.

"Edward," I breathed, my anxiety growing as we pulled over in front of his Volvo. He wasn't in it, of course, but we were close.

We started fast walking down a small path by his car when I heard a scream I had heard once before.

I broke out into a run, Jasper close behind, already dialing 9-1-1.

**

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Edward POV (Continued from his last POV)

I drove and drove.

_Make sure they won't find you. You want this to end, after all, don't you?_

I don't know how long I drove for, but after a while I couldn't stand the silence.

_Time has run out, for me.  
Everything's distant and I don't know what to believe.  
It's so hard, lost in the world confusion.  
And I need to leave, for a while.  
Life is so meaningless, there is nothing worth a smile.  
So goodbye, I'll miss you._

And I'm sorry, but this is my fate.  
Everything is worthless, no one who wants me to stay.  
And I'm sorry, but I've waited too long.  
So here's my goodbye, no one will cry over me.  
I'm not worth any tears.

It's been the years, of abuse.  
Neglected to treat the dissorder,  
That controls my youth, for so long.  
I'm in a fleshy tomb, burried up above the ground.  
It's no use, why should I hold on?  
It's been five years, don't need one more.  
So goodbye, life's abuse.

And I'm sorry, but this is my fate.  
Everything is worthless, no one who wants me to stay.  
And I'm sorry, but I've waited too long.  
So here's my goodbye, no one will cry over me.  
I'm not worth any tears.

My mind laughed. Such a fitting last song.

Only I wasn't sorry, so I turned off the radio.

And I drove.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

I couldn't tell you where I was if my life depended on it until I got out of the car and recognized the path there.

It seemed like a forever ago that I had come here with Jasper, Emmett, and Carlisle for a camping trip. It was the first camping trip I went on with the Cullens; it was only the second weekend I spent with them. I was so young then, so naïve.

With such an innocent mind, I had never considered it would one day be my final resting place.

I traveled down the path, remembering Carlisle pointing out different trees and foliage. I walked and walked, remembering more of a lost life.

I hadn't brought a flashlight with me, so as the sun slowly set, I found myself stumbling through the underbrush. Finally, I made it to the end of the path and found myself staring at the face of a cliff.

It was smaller than I remembered, probably because I had grown so much and it was dark out. I figured that it would be too hard to climb, and there wasn't a guarantee that I would die from a jump that only looked about twenty-five feet high.

"Why won't you just let me die?" I muttered in frustration. I walked forward to the cliff face, punching it as had as I could. I heard the crunch of both my bones and the stone, but I felt no pain other than the whole eating away at my heart.

I looked at my bleeding hand, watching the blood drip down onto a particularly sharp shard of stone. I smiled as my end came into view. My contented sigh rang through the field and the forest surrounding it.

_I told you this was the way to do it._

I nodded, closing my eyes in a masochistic pleasure.

_**

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**_

A Month Later

**Institution of Washington**

**Mental Health Center for Teens**

**From the Desk of **

**Doctor E. Foreman**

**To:**

**Doctor Robert Chase**

**You have a new patient arriving tomorrow. Enclosed is his file; As always, however, I encourage you to allow the patient to tell you his story.**

**Edward Anthony Cullen**

**Sex: Male**

**BD: 6/20/1986**

**Ht: 6' 2"**

**Description: Average to muscular build; Medium length red-brown hair; Green eyes**

**Institutionalized with: Anger management issues, anxiety, depression, and mild delusions**

**History: **_**Edward Masen was orphaned at age six when his parents died after a car accident. He was adopted by the Cullens at age eight. At puberty he became withdrawn from the family. He had a brief romantic interest, she later dismissed him. A short while after he attempted suicide. She also attempted suicide upon finding him and believing him to be dead. In the hospital, they were placed in the same room. She was removed when he suffered from a heart attack due to a circulation blood clot. When he awakened he refused to believe she was dead. **_

**Notes:**

**From the POV of Dr. Robert Chase (RPOV)**

I arrived at the Institution early this Tuesday morning, as I needed to make sure my new patient- Edward, I believe his name is- would have the proper necessities set up for him.

I pull up into my reserved parking space and headed inside. I dropped my laptop bag into one of the grey security buckets, as well as my brown leather jacket and keys, and stepped through the sensor. I collected my things again and headed for the check in desk.

I was signing my name when I felt warm familiar lips on my cheek.

"Good Morning Chase," my fiancé and colleague Allison Cameron greeted me. She was a good few inches shorter than me, with mahogany brown hair flowing past her shoulders and long side-bangs hiding part of her forehead.

I gave her a peck on the lips before walking past her to the main office.

"I need to talk to Foreman about my new patient," I explained.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

I had talked to Foreman, who had talked to Edward's family find out what kind of accommodations he needed. They had said they didn't know what would set him off, so he was to be given a blank room. I arranged it with the nurses to have room 221 set up for him, with white sheets, a light blue comforter, and white washed walls.

At eight twenty-five, my pager beeped, and I knew it was time to go meet Edward and his family. I went to the high security section of the facility, where people who were a possibly danger to themselves or others stayed until they could join their peers in the rest of the institution.

When I arrived, I found Edward sitting down on one of the plastic chairs with a nurse holding his duffle bag next to him. He had already received a patient ID card, which he had in his hands.

"Hello Edward," I greeted him. He flinched. "I'm Dr. Chase. Let's go and I'll show you around."

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**A/N: I have no excuses for why I haven't updated, but I am sorry.**

**The Doctors are all from the tv show House, if you google image their names you will get pictures of what they look like (though there will be more detailed descriptions later).**

**Please check out my **_ADVENTUROUS LEMON CONTEST!!!! _**And mention it in your A/Ns so that it will be well publisized.**

**Please review for a cookie!!**


	12. I really am sorry

Hey guys, I'm really sorry about this, but I can't write this anymore. My heart isn't in it and I cannot write if I'm not into it. If you PM me I will have no problem disclosing my reasons, but I don't feel comfortable just putting it in the story for the world to see.

I am thinking of starting a new story. I have already finished a plot outline and the first chapter. I know its been a while but I think this story is going to be amazing and I have no doubt I will be able to finish it now that I have started. I must apologize to you guys because I know I have let you down. I really hope you will have enough faith in me to check out my new blog for any updates.

http: /karren1109 .blogspot .com/

If anyone is interested in adopting the story, PM me!

I love you guys; thank you so much for the support; I'm sorry for not finishing what I started.

-K.C.


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